our cake

september 29th. one of those days. one of those days you dont forget. nope not my wedding day, or a birthday. no,this day is even more monumental. this day is the day i fell in love with beau. five years ago and a midnight flight beau picked me up from the salt lake air port. i wrote his name in my sketch book like a 13 year old. boe? could it be bow? beau....yes this is it.....beau like beautiful. and that is exactly what he was. there he stood. my future, my everything. in a black bananna republic sweater and chuck taylors. i toted my red suit case and wore janells volcom shirt. that shirt will remain burned in my mind because of this night. he opened my door. and we ate midnight cake at a little cafe. white cake like clouds. we wrote poems for eachother. mine spoke of the freckle on his bottom lip. i gave him sea shells, i found in laguna. he held my hand. we skipped, actually i did, he trotted behind. i had never been inside hotel monaco so we went inside. "LETS PRETEND WE ARE ON OUR HONEYMOON" i said. and we did. we stole mini salt and pepper shakers from a lonely room service tray in the hallway. the next day i text him "i have pepper in my purse" Those salt and pepper shakers later ended up on our wedding cake. the end of our night was marked with our tradition. we climbed to the top of shiloh inn. there we looked out at all the bright lights and contemplated kissing. in the end, im glad we didnt. ( WE SAVED THAT FOR THE BEACH) i picked him flowers and ke kept them in his car for two years. i dont know why, but we were just so 100% comfortable with each other. like we remembered each other from another life or something! the rest is history. every year on September 29th we do this now. this is our day. this is our weird and beautiful beginning. this is for you beau. i love you babe.

BIG NURSER

wow. im gunna do this. lets talk about nurney shall we!! ellies gunna love this. for those of you readers who are saying "what the eff" ill let you in on my little secret. nurney as we call it is nurse mixed with nap. THERE I SAID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! I FEEL SO FREE! and yet so chained to a wall. my Arden betty is addicted to breast feeding. its all she knows man. the second i held her i said to my doc "let me nurse her" and we did and we did it perfectly. when i was pregnant i hoped for two things 1. to have natural childbirth and 2. to breastfeed and do it well. well scnce doc barton was hell bent on being home for dinner by six i got a good ole c section...barf but i got my other wish. boy did i. if my mother in law knew about nurney shed disown me. please dont tell!!! the lady almost died and made fun of me for nursing her at ten months!! i can just hear her now "does she bite you" nurneys been good. my child is healthy and my child and i have an insane bond because of this. im her number one and i love it. lucky for me i got la leache league in my corner. oh and lets not forget the african american women in zambobway with one tiddy hangin out of her rag dress and a six year old lached on. you go girl. the sad thing is that breast milk is the only food her child has. my child would take breast milk over apple juice in a heart beat. shes NEVER tried real milk. but sereously who wants to drink from a shitty cow tit its like poop and horemones. nurney is like nothing i can ever explain and i dont expect you to understand, because you have to experience it to know. ive heard it dubbed "knock out juice" because it relaxes the child and puts them to sleep. its like medicine too. arden will fall and run to me going "nurney" and she feels better. so yeah, im on a nurney leash. somedays i want to pull my hair out. somedays i love it. last summer i went through hell to wean her. it didnt work. not for a second. you think taking a bottle away is hard??? try a boob. so i refused her and she was banging her head on the wall and screaming bloddy murder. so i try "they are broken" and two bandaids and shes like tearing them off to get to her delicious feast. tried viniger and that didnt work. so ladies i gave up. i was distressing my child emotionally. so im praying she will grow out of it. nurneys the name. i will feed nations during the second coming. good stuff. i think if arden had hair it would make it weird for me....but my little bald one is like my new born baby. people ask me when im gunna have another and im like are you sereous??? breastfeed and preggers. whats next gain 500 pounds and start watching maury with a bag of doritos??? no thanks. im not getting another "parasite" (as my amazing father dubed it) sucking on my boob. I can just see me toppin arden off before school and then puttin little beau jr on as i wish her good luck on the first day. good hell. a few people know about a little girl called arden who has nurney....now an entire handfull do. so call me crazy and if you dont like it you can eat a turd. AND GOD SAID LET THEM HAVE NURNEY. AND THEY HAD NURNEY.