done

its how i feel today
beau took this picture...two weeks ago...
notice how hard that t shirt is working? hmmm...pants too. my hair a rat nest from passing out on the sofa. we went for icecream...beau ask me if i was going to change. i reluctantly did.
nothing fits anymore!
even my sandals are tight.
this kid moves and moves....
i waddle and huff around the house. i send beau to the store and he buys weird things (like off brand bananna yogart)-sick
i made blueberry pancakes for sunday dinner last night.
drink a gallon of cranberry juice every day.
i dont think arden gets what is comming in a few weeks.
screaming poping baby bliss...im a little scared :)
i have two due dates one is in two weeks
the other on  the 22nd. holy cow.

quite possibly the most amazing floor i have ever walked on. it lives

 in a small room at my grandmothers house.my parents shared this room when they were young parents with a new baby.my uncle lives in this room still. he never moved out. he read, and smoked, and wrote. thats all. can you imaging this floor when this house was new? beautiful. 

jobs
im interviewing a girl today...for a job at our salon
she is young. nice. probably irresponsible....hopefully not as bad as i was at her age.
i have had 21 jobs from 17-23 (4 year arden break) i am now 26 going on 27 and all i can think of is WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?
heres a funny breakdown of the irresponsibility that is eMiLy
 -kfc-  sexually harrased by a line cook every day. got locked in the walk in freezer.called the 80s looking 30 year old braces wearing white trash lady... a bitch when she yelled at me (17 years old) =fired
-The big dipper-ice cream fights  made out with my boyfriend (place went out of business) wonder why?
-jbs-refused to spit out my gum. worked thanksgiving and other holidays went home with 12 dollars in tips, stuff like that. =fired because i would'nt "shut the f up and sit down"- thanks donna bet your 57 and still a professional waitress
-annies pizza-delivered pizzas to crackheads. mangled them driving like a lunatic. gave away free slices to my boyfriend.my friends got high in the back. i stole skittles from the machine daily. quit without any notice...to move to utah. 
-albertsons-cart girl, bagged rich peoples organic crap, wore my ZERO hoodie until asked to turn it inside out (went home one lunch break and never returned)
-waikiki beach tanning salon-worked with pretty blondes and got  a bitchin tan. gave two weeks and moved back to idaho
-dillards-jrs department!! can you say back to school shopping hell?-decided i wanted to go back to school...quit 
-wingers-waitreced.ate tons of asphalt pie. worked my ass off for crap pay. gave a proud two weeks and moved to utah...again
-bath and body works-holiday help!! worked christmas eve for peanuts.wore warm vanilla sugar (bought my boyfriend all the guy stuff) quit after the holiday ended
-pac sun-wore like "awesome trucker hats" decided to go to vegas for the 4th of july (told them someone in my family had cancer) -never went back
mimis cafe-seating hostess (who wasted time in the bathroom) went home from cali to visit and never came back...oopsie
-harbor house cafe-breakfast shift on the shore. went in at the wrong time=fired cried in venace beach all day that day, decided id sell my art work and be homeless.
-gnc-sales....worked three days. my rag head boss watched me like a hawk.he  thought mormons all had long beards?? i felt depressed. never went back
-rigeos italian restaurant - waitrece, the cooks said the eff word at me for writing my slips wrong. got demoted to hostess. climbed out the bathroom window one snowy night.
-common cents- (midnight shif at a gas station in idaho by a trailer park!!!!!! yes!
seriously, people shot up in the bathroom during the wee night hours. i ate hot dogs and mopped the floor. we sold porn. never even cracked open a page. tempting but no. on the fourth week i was bawling before i had to go...called in. never went back. good memories tho :)-most depressing winter of my life!
-the inn at temple square-had my first run in with utah mormons....seriously do you have a soul? rode the train to work in my little apron. called one of the idiot mormons a son of a bitch. got yelled at by the curly headed managers chrissy and lizzy!! quit. rode the train home and cried a little bit
-applebees- got called a fuc*in cracker by a mean little mexican girl on my first day. stole the shirt and never went back (ghetto applebees) probably could have sued for racism....
-chillis- i knew this job was wrong the day that all my "new employee" paperwork flew out of my hands and into the wind. i was chasing after it with tears running down my cheeks. called, told them i was'nt coming back. good move emily :)
-Marriott-front desk. took calls. checked in rich vacationers, then ended up being the driver...and sometimes making beds. delt with bitchy moms in town and their spoiled tots for ice skating competitions...boring! wound up pregnant...and got my hardest job ever....
arden betty and co-sassy three year old. much imagination. potty training, fishie crackers and walks to the park!-life has never been better!
and now...we own a tanning salon? seriously its all beau because i couldn't run a damn hot dog stand...by myself :)

i have a strange addiction

to ugly houses

when i see one thats bad, like really bad i say

"shi* stop the car"

or "gimme my camera"

this one is the saddest of a few i see often in

my lil hood

im just pissed they took down the tomato

plants hanging from the turby thing

(i hear those things dont work ps)

maby its because i grew up in an du-plex with a highway behind it

maby its because im just sick

but i love ugly houses with crap all over the yard

sue me

what do you bet there is some old fish in that cooler?

if i were a decent person i'd go help paint it

but instead im just splashing it all over the internet

eight months

and i look like an egg over-easy in this picture

arden just called me a poopie, its nine thirty nine in the am

and i am in my red robe

(my uniform)

im tempted to go grocery shopping like this

do you think all the crazies at our "weird wal mart"
would even notice the huge pregnant person

in her bathrobe?

doubt it

getting ready is such a hassle anymore...

bring on the mumu!

went to a wedding last night and

took a slice of cake home with me.

i have craved wedding cake

this entire pregnancy

and now its mine all mine

im going to eat it in my tub

and listen to hypnobabies

did i tell you

my very

exciting news??

i broke up with my doctor

and found a midwife.

planning on having a waterbirth

every day i invision myself

giving birth in water

and so far, its looking pretty nice.

four more weeks to go,

but in "emily slow labor"reality i bet ill go

two weeks over

my guess date is the 13th of september

(not gunna happen folks)

ok well thats it...arden is begging to rainbow watercolor my hair like a mermaid, so i need to get off this thing

wish me luck :)

painted her saturday

she took one episode of hello kitty

to make

arden says its her

when shes five years old

she lives on the bathroom wall now

i dont think beau likes it

but shes staying

no matter what

i love her

the ax forgets, the tree remembers
i have debated for a long time if i wanted to go into my history and my past experience with "child birth"
i read the above a feew weeks ago, and it made me cry
i am the tree
i was cut open, and no i never forgot
the birth of my daughter was the most traumatizing experience of my life so far
my doctor didnt remember me years later when he removed my iud
he is the ax



its my hope to have a vbac
this birth, the birth of my son, is to be my healing birth
i know there is a better way to give birth, and for me it cant be in a hospital
i used to think hospitals were safe
that they cared
guess what? they dont
they are a business, get em in, get em out
"cut em, they can never sue you for that"
my c-cetion was because of failure to progress
(failure to dialate on their watch)
they wanted me outta there...so they cut me.
they took my baby from me, when she was not ready
i was not ready
call me crazy
maby i am
i wont go back

SIX YEARS AGO
i married beau.
after all the pictures and wedding fluff ended
we sought out on our honeymoon...me and my beau the rose.
packed up my red suitcase (that we shared)
beau has scnce learned never to share a suitcase with me and my amzing ways with uNoRgANazAtIoN
-IM GOOD AT THAT
we always go to california because this is where our first love SpArKs flew back in 03
beau got strep, i got a pair of sparkly shoes for a bargin price
we drove his moms vw bug and i took pictures of the desert
our tradition was to get ice cream at every place we stopped
him:mocha
me:rasberry sherbet
we have only missed one year of our little trip and that was the "pregnant with arden /barfy summer"
this year.....
we rode up in a van
with my dear parents and miss baby
she peed on the side of the road every 15 miles, and my mom told us stories of her crazy upbringing
my dad switched hotel rooms four times, because hes a bit of a perfectionist
and we slept in....i rummaged through my clothes each morning and threw pregnant fits before we went out each morning
disney land....
was perfect. arden was a spoiled little turd.
she just had to have the 65.00 bell dress, shoes and wig
(all my parents doing)-thats like groceries for a week m-kay
beau puked in the bushes, my dad pretended to have fun,
and me and my mom were inseparable the entire time. by the time we left i felt like someone had beaten me...i was so tired.

 ten days.ten days that i will always have a memory of. it was the best, and i miss every second of it.