THREE LIL MONTHS
i am feeling a litle bit like emily again
my energy is returning
me and miss arden actually leave the house now...
im growing fast, and loving and embracing it
even my thys....a little
this baby is so sweet
i can feel its little spirit with me every day
and that is pure bliss
beau and i will see our baby for the first time
this thursday!!
and i cant wait...i pray everything is perfect inside
my doctor is a female obg so this is new for me
things are going to be diffrent this pregnancy and birth
i will go into that another day soon
for now....heres me and baby...almost done with this.....

InSaNe first trimester

My sexie husband turned 29
i baked him a violent war cake
this year
blood n guts
we ate trashy breakfast at a diner
in a hood
it was fun
our waters had float-ies
we spent the day together
and it was fab
three things
three
littlethings
that i love about beau
1. the freckle on his bottom lip
2. because he will say things that i am thinking at the exact moment
3. the man is a go getter..the sky is the limit with beau..nothing is out of reach
4. i said three...now go get your own husband:)

summer time
im dreaming of this
i cant wait to ride my bycycle
and buy fireworks
and eat snow cones
and get so brown...from the sun of corce
(no tanning beds for me)
i miss my little summer house
with the ivy
and our big trees
i will buy arden the biggest blow up pool
and we will spend hours here
soon enough
soon enough...

this is what my baby looks like today

i am ten weeks into this

THING

making baloney sam-witches

like every hour

i live in my yoga pants

and my war is over T-SHIRT

i vacumed today

so i feel like a bad ass

"OH YEAH LOOK AT ME"

suckin up dirt...what a loser

i jusk keep

dreaming of summer days

arden wants to name the baby 

TYLER

i told her no chance...

stuck on boys names??

have a million girl names 

ready to go

for now thats it 

             me and baby ten weeks

I LOVE THIS MAN
SEREOUSLY.....I DO
THIS IS OUR SEVENTH VALENTINES DAY TOGETHER
WE UP AND WENT TO VEGAS FOR "BALEMTIMES"
RODE UP WITH GOOD FRIENDS (ALSO PREGNANT AND FEELIN IT)
THREW UP IN THE DESERT...BEANS HURT COMMING UP
PEED SOME TOO
THEN PUKED MORE AND SAID THE EFF WORD :)
HAD SOME RASBERRY GILATTO...DELISH
SLEPT IN THE BEST DIVE EVER
AND BUSTED OUT HOT PINK MAGNIFICENCE
TMI?
I DONT CARE
LOST 20 BUCKS....(BEAU)
I ACTUALLY ATE A SMALL STEAK FOR VALENTINES DINNER
AND KEPT IT DOWN
SNUGGLED WITH BEAU AND JUST TOLD MYSELF
DESPITE THE CIGARETTE MUST AND THE WEIRD
STAINS ON THE CARPET (OF THE DIVE)
THIS IS HEAVEN BECAUSE IM WITH YOU.
HE GOT SICK ON THE RIDE HOME...
I THINK IT WAS SIMPATHY PAINS
BECAUSE HE HAD MY EXACT SYMPTOMS FOR ONE DAY ONLY
ALL IN ALL GREAT/INSANE VALENTINES DAY
ILL NEVER FORGET IT

So happy valentines day

i hope he buys you roses

this song

by

alkaline trio

just makes me cry

a little bit

its called

enjoy your day

listen to it

and your heart will

break

paint baby

arden and i painted yesterday afternoon

she got very into it

i love sharing my passion for

art with my child

this is what she looked like

when we were all done

melt my heart

the real thing things are the same
vomit
vomit
vomit
my mom came and took care of me for a week
then i went back home with her (to get babysat more)
i am not myself
i am boring and weird
i hate those foods i used to love
i love being in bed
i dry heave at any smell
drove past an olive garden sign on the freeway
and chunks were rising in my throat
made beau drive across town to buy me tacos
when he got home i wasnt craving them anymore
i actually cried
about tacos??
im a wimp about everything
my mom wanted to make tunafish
i told her to go outside in the snow to do it
i wasnt like this with arden
yeah i puked....all the time
but the smell thing?
im like a damn drug dog...sereously
i can smell anything and it friggin sucks
preggy pops do not work
i refuse to take medication for this....
why? so my baby can be born with no spine or something??
ha...no way
bought a new bed...i want my room to be pretty
because my secret plan is to give birth here by myself
that or in my ugly blue tub
up top is a picure...of what i pretty much look
like every day:)
bed head
no makeup
house is a mess
morning breath all day long

ARDEN ON ICE

TOOK OUR LIL LADY

ICE SKATING FOR HER FIRST TIME THIS PAST WEEKEND

IT WAS ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS A MOMMY

AND DADDY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER

THE SMILE ON HER FACE

WAS PRICELESS

OUR LITTLE

ICE BABY

SHE BRINGS US

SO

MUCH

JOY

I LOVE MY LITTLE FAMILY SO

forgive me
this blog is turning into a pregnant rant
i cant help it
its whats goin on...
the dry heaves
the nausia
and all i want is sleep.... my child watches disneys all day long

as i lie beside her in bed and gurgle
and stink
and look like hell :)
sereously i do
im pale and smelly
my sweats are my bffs... first tri you are a killer
food....I HATE FOOD
i am like anorexic because everything makes me sick
ok....except for the occasional
pintos and cheese that i force beau to go
buy me (breaking the sabbath)
so i can have the strength to walk
those beans were a god send to me 
went to olive garden
in my friggin pjs
to get me and arden take out
thats it...thats what we did today
oh except i couldnt eat mine because..... yuck
and every smell makes me
want to stab people:)
beaus calogne...normally sexie....barf
my dogs.....double barf
that green candle my friend gave me....yack
i smell everything, and its killing me
please someone take me out of my mysery
i told beau "first thing im doing when this baby comes out
is spank it on the butt"
what do i expect? i have naughty babies:)

this time around
all i wanna do is sleep
and eat chocolate cake
this is everything to me...
i get more excited about chocolate
then i do
sex
money
or anything

it is all that matters to me
dont mess with my cake or you'll be sorry
lasagnia is good too

FOUND OUT LAST WEEK

WERE GUNNA HAVE A BABY!!

MY PRAYRES WERE ANSWERED

TOOK THE TEST ON A WHIM AT

MIDNIGHT

AND STAYED AWAKE

ALMOST ALL NIGHT...

THINKING ABOUT HOW MUCH

OUR LIVES ARE CHANGING

WE ARE EXTATIC!!

I AM INTO MY SECOND MONTH,

AND OBSESSED WITH MY LIL

ONE GROWING INSIDE OF ME

BOOBS KILL

NOT MUCH ENERGY

FEELING GOOD

HOPE TO STAY AWAY FROM

THE DREADED TOILET

AND MORNING SICKNESS

CROSS YOUR FINGERS

Gangs all here!

to arden everything is magic and makebeleve
sometimes she plays that we are friends, and this goes on for hours
when i try to call her baby or little one,and kiss her she says "no your my friend,im big"
she said she was taking her kids:
grandma= a purple care bear
elmo= whom she naimed gean
kayley = a pink care bear
minnie= minnie mouse
my little boy= my old childhood brown bear
and marium= her green mermaid doll
to a festival
these little stuffed animals are real to her
she is never without them
they go where she goes

she even makes up stories about the things they do
i feel blessed
to have such a wonderfully smart and imaginitive child
she brings me so much joy each day

i have been reading alot lately

my favorite spot is in the tub

i lock the door and run the water

as hot as i can

then i make beau bring me ice water

what do i read?

ha, your going to laugh

baby

name

books

i know,i know

damnit i know

i said i wanted one..child

and i lied

noooooo

im not pregnant

i dont think?

but i hope i will be soon

arden was a one shot wonder

and a huge oopsie

we will have to see about

the next one

but for now....

im dreaming of little brown eyes

and little feet

and i cant wait to put

up a baby crib

yes, im insane

its official

"all that she wants is another baby"

Tonight i will use this

its my cookbook

i love it

got it for 50 cents

happy new year!

bringing it in with twinkie kabobs

what else??

what will i put on them

besides twinkies of corce....

lemme see...

marshmellows

cherries

pineapple

and love

always love

is it sad that this is

the only real cookbook

that i use?

its snowing outside
i am eating jellybeans
all except the black ones
i have a cold sore the size of minniapolas on my lip
i cant spell minniapolas
and thats ok
because i have never been there
listened to coheed and cambria all the way to work today
i almost slid off the road
all i could think of was if i died in a car wreck would coheed and cambria still be playing on my radio?
when the cops pulled my body out of the car, this would be the background music to my death
i think im reading to much poe...
except that....i always do this
i am morbid
yes thank you very much i know
i am weird
if anyone likes the black ones,come over and you can have them
they are just sitting here all sad because i refuse to eat them
white is gross too
take them also

i think you need to know that i love this man...eDgAr aLlAn pOe...his words are hauntingly beautyful...and creepy and perfeCt. my dear friend gave me this book as a gift today...and it will go down in history as one of the best gifts i have ever recieved. the best part of recieving a book? the inscription left by the givee...i have a few of these in books from the past that absolutely haunt me.

and that my friends brings me to another poe that i love. yep miss angry jonny herself...her music fuels my painting fire like nothing else....wanna see me go nuts on a canvas?-ill be listening to poe.

LOVE + TOAST

If you were to give me a hug today, this is what i'd smell like.
put your head cloce to the screen and sniff......
not getting anything?! sorry.
let me describe it for you....its like the day the sugar cookie maried a flower in my moms garden and i was the brides maid.
its like the drive on the freeway in the sunset the day i married beau. i had a blue snow cone in my hand,my white fluffy dress all around me,and a smile. his face was all i could see. travis was playing on the radio.
this purfume....is me on my bycycle downtown with sandals on my feet and a cherry loli pop sucker in my mouth,the sun is shining and the world is bright.
if i could, i would wrap this scent in a box and then give it to my daughters daughters...just so they could know the smell of pure happiness...the way i do today.
im in love with today for no real reason at all.