MY WATERCOLOR THEARAPY.....AND WHEN IM DONE, I FEEL BETTER.

gravy train....
this is me and my friend elle,and our gravy train(kids). we joke every time we are together about things that happen only when your a mom. and we always say "we need to write a book on the funny crazy things of motherhood" i think this is because we were both blessed with very spirited children that have given us a run for our money...um sanity.heres a few you know your a mom when.
-peed underwear, naked in carseat neighbors stare as we walk inside...with naked child
-fruit snacks in purse,stuck to carseat..stuck in my hair
-fights over the stick on the ground
-sippy cups everywhere...some of the contents within old and questionable?
-stains on YOUR clothing...boogies,chocolate, ect.
-plasic toys from mcdonalds threatining to take over the toybox...oopsie threw that one away!
popcicles....popcicles....and more popcicles
-childs shoes on wrong feet...i dont have the strength to change them again!
-toothpaist that might as well be sugar...because "magic" tinkerbell toothpaist is useless.
-grocery store tantrums, mine stands up in the cart, then i look like an abuser and heartless for sternly saying "no candy this time arden"
-a baby story, lets face it moms, we watch it, we get sappy, i like to run on the treadmill for the ladies in labor. when they scream from a contraction i find myself breathing deeply for them.
-god bless pesant tops and the roomyness....hello?
milk milk milk...for me it was nurney (boob) forever, other moms find themselves buying gallon upon gallon of it....eewwwww. milk.
-gymboree....swoon...love it.
-the carseat, right now mine looks like a homeless kids.
-stuff you'll find in it, my fave, was an old chicken nugget in my friends.made me feel better about the m&ms my friends nefu found and ate in ours! yummy old car food rocks!
-a-b-c-d-r-f-g thats the alphabet toddler style!
-swears...oops mine said shit, and guess what i ignored it, and havent heard it scnce.
-freekin disney channel...kile ann? yeah arden loves this. yogabba gabba, toot and puddle,gangs all here!
-those random days at the park,meeting mommies, looking eachother up and down. coveting their patience,and kids shoes. other times being the mom coveted...."oh im so patient little joey is such a good boy"-please lady get freeking reeeeel.
-pregnancy talks, yup we all do it"when i was in labor"or "i never puked once"-sereously lady? this is how we bond ladies! these talks are universal,every mom has this in common.
-penut butta and jelly.
-poop,everywhere...when it falls out of the diaper,or underoos your about to shake into the potty.
-deluting juice with water...as if mine needs more sugar. its a give in.
-strollers-"hers is nicer then mine,whats this brown crap on the shade?"-guess i'd better grab the umbrella stroller.
-goldfish cackers,enough said
-the stupid songs,yup you know em,i know em.it pisses me off when moms pretend they dont know them. its freekin part of child hood hoochies dont deprive your kid!!"hot dog hot dog hot diggity dog"
-bed time...give me some 7pm bed time and im on top of the world!!!
-soaps...johnson &johnson? baby magic? organic? so many choices... very imporntant choices may i add
-the  cool sippy(maby with your kids name on it )your kids godda have it,or you feel like the boring loser mom.
  Ok so thats just a mini list off the top of my head,i know im crazy,the list could go on for hours...and ill keep it up ladies...because its funny and its true.

Honestly

So, we're in target today, doing a little shopping,when arden asks me "mommy you like hanna tanna?" and i stop....frozen and i say (honestly) "no arden mommy dos'nt like hanna tanna" and my two and a halph year old looks at me and says "why mommy" and i say "arden hanna tanna isnt a very nice girl" and then she looks around at some other mommies shopping and goes "but the uder mommies like hanna tana?" (like what the eff mom)and then i say " thats because the other mommies are crazy" (my honesty) and we leave it at that. i dont know who told my child about hanna montana, but i could kill them. we dont do hanna tana. we dont do high school musical, we just dont, give me hello kitty, ill do annything,just keep hanna tanna out of this house.

this week....

Iron and wine

went downtown and saw iron and wine play. (it was so amazingly fun) beau and i went with our buds suzzy and joel...and the entire population of slc was there. it was amazing. when he sang .....................................................

Such great heights i almost cried....and i have the entire thing locked into a video vault on my phone. some of the nasty drunks were....annoying and thats ok. what do you expect right? i almost forgot that smell...that crowd smell. sweat mixed with cigarettes and maby a little weed . i.willforeverbe a groupie teen queen wanna be bandaid and i will forever worshup the movie almost famous. oh my gosh..dont even get me going. anyway, all in all a fab night out on the town...and yes he played flightless bird american mouth...and it was perfect.

OH MY CHUCK E CHEESE.....

SO ...YUP THAT SUMS IT UP. I REMEMBER GOING TO CHUCK E CHEESE WHEN I WAS 5 OR 6 AND HAVING SOME INSANE LITTLE GIRL CALL ME A BOY OVER AND OVER...I WILL NEVER FORGET "BOY BOY BOY BOY BOY BOYBOYBOYBOYYYY" THAT HOOKER. IF I HAD A WEAPON ........ANYWAY, WE TOOK MISS ARDEN BETTY AND....SHE HAD A BLAST. HERES MY TAKE ON CHUCKY CHEESE...TERRIBLY AMAZING. FOOD=SUCKED CHUCKY HIMSELF=CREEPY AND SHORT.RIDES=CUTE AND A LITTLE BORING UNLESS YOUR TWO. ARDEN KEPT ESCAPING AND BEAU WAS getting anoyed. IJUST PILED ON THE SALAD BAR AND WATCHed ARDEN HITCH RIDES ON OTHER KIDS TOKENS....THEN I TOOK HER AND A MILLION OTHER TODDLERS ON THE MARY GO ROUND....LIKE TEN TIMES. ARDEN, PS WAS HORRIFIED OF CHUCKY.

IKEA......

BEAU FUSS WORKED OUR SALON ALL MORNING AND AFTERNOON....SO ARDEN AND I WENT ON BARGIN HUNTS AT THIS MAGNIFICENT PLACE. I NEEDED A LITTLE STOOL FOR ARDE TO WASH HER HANDS ON...DONE! BOOM...TEN BUCKS. NEEDED SOME CUTE PLACE MATS....DONE! 2 BUCKS....AND NOW FOR MY BEST FIND! A NEW DUVET COVER, SHEET, AND PILLOW CASE AT A WOPPIN $5.99 YES ITS TRUE!i I KNOW I WAS SO EXCITED! THE CUTEST LITTLE HEART COVERED RAINBOW GIRLIE COVER.(HENSE THE PIC ABOVE)I LOVE A GOOD BARGIN. WE ATE MEAT BALLS AND I SPANKED HER A FEW TIIMES,(BECAUSE SHES MISS NAUGHTY PANTS NOW) WE GIGGLED, AND WE HAD A GOOD GIRL DAY OF SHOPPING. I LOVE HAVING A LITTLE GIRL.AND I LOVE WHEN SHE FALLS ASLEEP IN THE CAR ON THE WAY HOME. CAN YOU SAY MOMMY TIME. MOMMY TIME BABY AND THATS WHATS UP.

love mason jars as vases.

here i am in my kick ass camping outfit...and a gun.everyone was scared? why lil ol me?

this was the band back in.....04...i kinda miss it.going to the bandspace and watching them practice...shows...stuff like that.

a FeW ThIngs EMiLy ThIs SECOnd.....

-feeling nostalgic about beaus old band

-i need mashed potatoes with bbq sauce and a midnight slice of penut butter cheese cake with my pal anna

-went camping with some friends....learned im scary when holding a gun. everyone was screaming?

-i need a bird and i want her to be the kind that flys in my house and poops sometimes on unwanted guests.

poop poop poop-i say this word to much

-i want an old polaroid camera for my birthday...and then i will roam the city in search for beautyfull things and homeless people to photograph.

-THINKING WAY TOO MUCH, WHATS NEW RIGHT?

_rise against swing life away.

-im a forever 21 addict...its a cheep thrill and i love it...hate the loud music in the store. when did i get so old?

_walking makes me feel stronger
-sick of rotten celebrity magazines...barf.
-not getting the mail

-ive been doing mermaid hair, two braids for an hour..then viola! mermaid emily...ps: i heart mermaids

-i drempt a spidar was walking towards me in my bed last night...

-cant get enough of italian food.i want bruschetta every second of the day...i would do bad things and lie to good people just to get this food
--going to d.i. and buying old vhs. im obsessed with moonstruck.

-im reading the strong willed child...very intense

-my child peed on a gravestone and i just held my head low.

-BEING CHEEP...I DONT GET "THOSE GIRLS"-IM JUST THRIFTY.

-got the kid off the boob...yup nursed her for almost three years!! how i did it i do not know. glad to be milk free.

-YELLED AT THIS LADY IN OLD NAVY. STANDING MY GROUND..".I LOOK 12 BUT IM 25."

-saw the time travelers wife, loved it.lotts of butts tho...too many.

-im done with bras. yes its true.

-made two delicious new meals for my family...and im damned betty crocker now.

-terrified of another child, terrified of an only child.

-wanna go fishing like nobodys business.

-HIDING HANNA MONTANA FROM ARDEN, I DONT WANT HER TO KNOW THAT PERSON EXISTS.

-love talk radio and michael savage...

-weird dreams where im stuck in the middle

-loving this cool weather...so done with the heat of this city

-love picking roses outside my kitchen window. i place little jars full of them all over my house

-i think i hate my bangs

-planning halloween cant wait!im going as marie annetwanete.and i cant spell that name.

-worry way too much...

-love going to ninth and ninth for the funny little boutiques and seventh and seventh for amazing dounuts.

-TEACHING ARDEN TO WISH ON STARS

-missing my mom

-NEED A NEW CANVAS

Arden Betty a WEEK in the life of SPOILED.

SEREOUSLY....THE HAPPYEST KID ON A PONY RIDE.

"fetch me my cloak mother"-sometines this is how i feel.

my dear friend assusena says i need to title my blog "a day in the life of a mad housewife" and when i say mad, i mean like alice in wonderland crap....crAzY mad hatter.

my child is in a phase (i hope it is just a phase) like nothing i have ever seen. the kid thinks she is queen of sheba ok....its getting ridiculous. and im pretty much set on having one freeking child. oh but then i watch a baby story and get all sappy and baby hungry. AND I GO HOME TO BEAU AND BATT MY EYELIDS AND SAY "POOKEY WHEN DO WE WANT ANOTHER BABY?" AND I DREAM OF A BELLY and small little feet and a new little nurshry and desitin and binkeys...AND A LITTLE NAME AND......... SWOLLEN BOOBS?AND THE BABY BLUES? and squeezing a freeking watermellon outta my uhoh? and being inside all the time......AND ....CHAOS?why emily why? so arden can beet the baby and burn the house down as im breastfeeding for hours and hourd on end?so i can wear the brown sweatpants for months and months on end? so i can piss my pants at the farmers market while puking? so my nose can get all big from horemones and i can yack in grocery stores while dragging arden by her ear out the door only to find shes shoplifted again....and this time we aint goin back. god bless that radio volume goin UP UP UP...nope cant hear you arden...to bad you want a tinkerbell cell phone AND YOUR OWN PONY...not gunna happen today. sereously i have mommy issues. im terrified of baby # 2. i think if i would have had "an angel baby" first i would be more open minded about this whole thing. WHEN YOUR KID CLAWS YOUR ARM BLOODY...YOU KNOW ITS BAD NEWS. WHEN YOUR KID SQUEEZES THE DOG AND SAYS SHE "HIT HER" YOU KNOW YOUR IN TROUBLE. sereously, when is this little Hitler crap gunna end??...i think i need an extra strength tylenol..that or nanny 911.

Its everything
its life its death its birth its you and me its what i thught would be but never was....its everything. i painted this in 2003. i wore a black and white shirt that still has a stain from it. that day i left the art studio and hung my art in a tattooe shop....the guys wanted a HUGE percent if the pieces sold. i was reluctant to sell anything....because of my attachment to my art. I DONT KNOW THAT I WILL EVER GET TO THAT POINT with MY ART. THE DAY I DONT HAVE ALL MY ART SLEEPING UNDER MY BED OR ON MY WALLS IS THE DAY I HAVE NOTHING....BUT A MEMORY OF ME AND A CANVAS AND HOPE ON A paintBRUSH.

MY LITTLE GARDEN........

This year, i did something new...i planted a garden. i began in may with a little miniture green house,and i stuffed anything under the sun in those little pods. tomatoes, cucumbers,baby carrots, cilantro, peas, watermellon,and strawberries and my favorite pumpkins!!!!

and to my suprise...it all grew, from little itty bitty seeds. its so nice to go out and just pick a cucumber and slice it up, rather then go to a store. its very rewarding! i know i sound like a child, and thats ok. i think the best part of it has been tending it. getting all muddy, pullin weeds, doing things i saw my mother do my entire life. its funny, because as ive grown older, i slowly see myself turning into my mom. gardening,antiques, things i turned my nose up at when i was young. i love love love it.

ASLEEP JUST ME AND MY THOUGHTS

painted this in 2004. i used acrilic and saltine cracker i found in my art box.