THIS IS HALLOWEEN

So im officially heart broken. this freek is in mourning. my halloween is over. you know how people feel like crap the day after christmas? or on new years day? thats me on halloween. it is my favorite day...and damnit its over. I suppose because halloween is the one day a year when i can be my 1005% crazy self. i was going to be little red riding hood, but turns out she looked a bit whorish....so i opted for princess tigerlilly. my" hangover" is vampires blood induced..and thats the best kind.So....shall i tell you about the day? spent it baking up a storm and creating disgusting foods like carnage cupcakes and guacamoldy.i decked my house out in more cobwebs....and placed fake fingers and eyeballs in everything! IT WAS SO BEAUTIFULL I COULD CRY. We took our little pink fairy princess to our sweet ward trunk or treet party....and it rained a bit...not to worry guys cuz my gay neighbor thought i looked hot as an indian. so yeah for me, good times! too bad for him my date was a warewolf. The party was pretty amazing....our friends have great taste in costumes. When scott walked in as inspector gadget he had a halo shining above his head...he is my new favorite person because of his dedication to this sacred of holidays. among our crew we had herion bob and 80s punk rocker leah, a cop girl called sue who i told to"'DROP IT LIKE ITS HOT" yeah i think that freeked her out...i got one of those looks. suzie was a super model in training but i called her amy whienhouse all night. her hubby joel broke out in beautifull "drunk" robert goulea song magnificence!! love you joel...... go tony the sasage pino! dave held his head....and i swear he looked dead guys amazing! stephanie was the cutest fairy complete with baby bee ellwood at her side.beaus mask fell off and in the end he just looked homeless...love ya baby....im so turned on by guys who sleep in trashcans!! andi was a pixie and BEAUTIFULL. and yes we had a sara pailen! Ellie and her gorilla husband spilled the beans on her pregnancy(im so excited guys!! )What an eventful night. the party ended in fear factor. scott drank water from my fish bowl......and it was amazing. i think we owe him rusted sun pizza and a round of bowling for that one!!! (ALL BOBBYS FAULT DUDES CROSS MY HEART) ;) So, all in all good night. suzzy and jole were the last guests to leave, then i cleaned!! my house lookesd like a tornado hit it...i was ehaugsasted.this mourning...yes MOURNING! i pouted as i took down halloween and said goodbye to all my little weird decorations, im sad its over....... HAPPY HALLOWEEN TILL NEXT YEAR!!! R.I.P

our cake

september 29th. one of those days. one of those days you dont forget. nope not my wedding day, or a birthday. no,this day is even more monumental. this day is the day i fell in love with beau. five years ago and a midnight flight beau picked me up from the salt lake air port. i wrote his name in my sketch book like a 13 year old. boe? could it be bow? beau....yes this is it.....beau like beautiful. and that is exactly what he was. there he stood. my future, my everything. in a black bananna republic sweater and chuck taylors. i toted my red suit case and wore janells volcom shirt. that shirt will remain burned in my mind because of this night. he opened my door. and we ate midnight cake at a little cafe. white cake like clouds. we wrote poems for eachother. mine spoke of the freckle on his bottom lip. i gave him sea shells, i found in laguna. he held my hand. we skipped, actually i did, he trotted behind. i had never been inside hotel monaco so we went inside. "LETS PRETEND WE ARE ON OUR HONEYMOON" i said. and we did. we stole mini salt and pepper shakers from a lonely room service tray in the hallway. the next day i text him "i have pepper in my purse" Those salt and pepper shakers later ended up on our wedding cake. the end of our night was marked with our tradition. we climbed to the top of shiloh inn. there we looked out at all the bright lights and contemplated kissing. in the end, im glad we didnt. ( WE SAVED THAT FOR THE BEACH) i picked him flowers and ke kept them in his car for two years. i dont know why, but we were just so 100% comfortable with each other. like we remembered each other from another life or something! the rest is history. every year on September 29th we do this now. this is our day. this is our weird and beautiful beginning. this is for you beau. i love you babe.

BIG NURSER

wow. im gunna do this. lets talk about nurney shall we!! ellies gunna love this. for those of you readers who are saying "what the eff" ill let you in on my little secret. nurney as we call it is nurse mixed with nap. THERE I SAID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! I FEEL SO FREE! and yet so chained to a wall. my Arden betty is addicted to breast feeding. its all she knows man. the second i held her i said to my doc "let me nurse her" and we did and we did it perfectly. when i was pregnant i hoped for two things 1. to have natural childbirth and 2. to breastfeed and do it well. well scnce doc barton was hell bent on being home for dinner by six i got a good ole c section...barf but i got my other wish. boy did i. if my mother in law knew about nurney shed disown me. please dont tell!!! the lady almost died and made fun of me for nursing her at ten months!! i can just hear her now "does she bite you" nurneys been good. my child is healthy and my child and i have an insane bond because of this. im her number one and i love it. lucky for me i got la leache league in my corner. oh and lets not forget the african american women in zambobway with one tiddy hangin out of her rag dress and a six year old lached on. you go girl. the sad thing is that breast milk is the only food her child has. my child would take breast milk over apple juice in a heart beat. shes NEVER tried real milk. but sereously who wants to drink from a shitty cow tit its like poop and horemones. nurney is like nothing i can ever explain and i dont expect you to understand, because you have to experience it to know. ive heard it dubbed "knock out juice" because it relaxes the child and puts them to sleep. its like medicine too. arden will fall and run to me going "nurney" and she feels better. so yeah, im on a nurney leash. somedays i want to pull my hair out. somedays i love it. last summer i went through hell to wean her. it didnt work. not for a second. you think taking a bottle away is hard??? try a boob. so i refused her and she was banging her head on the wall and screaming bloddy murder. so i try "they are broken" and two bandaids and shes like tearing them off to get to her delicious feast. tried viniger and that didnt work. so ladies i gave up. i was distressing my child emotionally. so im praying she will grow out of it. nurneys the name. i will feed nations during the second coming. good stuff. i think if arden had hair it would make it weird for me....but my little bald one is like my new born baby. people ask me when im gunna have another and im like are you sereous??? breastfeed and preggers. whats next gain 500 pounds and start watching maury with a bag of doritos??? no thanks. im not getting another "parasite" (as my amazing father dubed it) sucking on my boob. I can just see me toppin arden off before school and then puttin little beau jr on as i wish her good luck on the first day. good hell. a few people know about a little girl called arden who has nurney....now an entire handfull do. so call me crazy and if you dont like it you can eat a turd. AND GOD SAID LET THEM HAVE NURNEY. AND THEY HAD NURNEY.

BEAU THE BAD A

1. 
   my babies
   
   Arden screamed bloody murder when he reved it up!!
   
   
   She kept kissing him and smiling at him!!
   
   
   
   
   my husband the biker dude?
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   So that whats up................beau became obsesses with motorcycles i dont even know when!! all he talked about this summer (EXCEPT THE HOUSE) was bikes. and im going" thats way gay babe. who are you??" and hes like"no its cool" well this past week his drooling turned into a bit of a reality!! He went and picked out one!! arden and i went along to look at it...and its funny cuz the guy selling it had the same look going as beau. short buzzed hair,beird,and tats. three months ago beau was clean shaven and had a flowhawk!!! slowly he just morphed..........and to tell you the truth...new biker beau turns me on. i feel like were 18 and we can just.....ride off into the sunset and get into trouble. like my dads gunna hate him and ground me!!! like were katy on tommy from that old country song SHES IN LOVE WITH A BOY. i know im retarded....but thats how it feels.....to date...ur...um.....be married to a bad ass. you should have seen the smile on his face when he drove this thing home friday night!! PURE JOY!!! its like christmas morning every day at the shaffer house. Now any errand...redbox,cerial craving , diapers.....beaus on it in a second so he can take out his new best friend. He hasent named it yet. im crossin my fingers for miss emily or something cheezy lame like that. anyway, its official beaus a biker. i guess i need to get some leather and bleech my hair.
   
   
   
   

MY FAIRY PARTY

HAS ANYONE SEEN MY WINGS??

lets begin with a question shall we? what kind of crazy chick wants a PUBLIC FAIRY PARTY for her 25th birthday?? the answer is me. in honor of me getting older i bought some pretty black feather wings and a hip little apron. put em together and what do you get?? emily the fairy.The setting was the pub at Trolley square downtown. i instructed all of my guests to come as a fairy. some were reluctant. others said "sweet im gunna go find some cute wings!!" that i loved. why have a boring dinner with all of my friends who dont know eachother well and gab about work and blahhhhhhhhhh. that kind of stuf makes me barf chunks in my purse. the wings made this party!!! our conversation was light and fun and hillarious!! we spilled our guts on ugly guys we've made out with (andy i love you) and laughed till we almost peed. the watreces hated us. they were jealous cuz we had wings and could fly and they had to bring us stuff. they thought we were drunk, but none of us drank a thing!! my wings kept going in annas moulth. i waisted my food. suzzy and i hung out in the bathroom for a photo shoot. it was the best, and i want to do it again....im glad halloween is soon. i love this stuff! its my christmas. lucky for me tho, i dont need an excuse to play pretty fairy hooker girl in public. i just do it. i have been blessed with the ability to say and do whatever i feel. im a bit fearless. oh yeah im also blessed with one other "nice" thing: my freekin ghetto booty. yeah i caught some sick old dudes checkin it out. sick.oh not to leave out my "boyfriend" i dubbed omar. what a freek. good times. im lucky to have such good and loyal friends. thanks girls!! sereously i ask you to wear wings for my party and you do it cuz you love me:) you rock. im a magic kind of girl. gimme twinkle lights,wings,cupcakes,and jumping on beds. im in.

Arden crazy shaffer

Im into making lists. I began this one in my head late last night.

Arden these days

LOVES HER ARIEL T SHIRT
SAYS THANK YOU "TAE TOO"
LOVES HER NEW BEST BUD LIHAM AND SAYS HIS NAME UPON AWAKENING
OPENED A PACKAGE OF ROLOS AT WALMART CHECK OUT STAND....ATE ONE
VERY VERY SNEEKY
GETS INTO MY MASCARA,LOTION,PURFUME,SHOES ECT......
LIES AND SAYS SHES POOPED WHEN SHE ISNT
SWALLOWED A DIME ON SATURDAY.....(WE HOPE IT COMES OUT A NICKLE AND
FIVE PENNIES)
SAYS "I HAVE BOOGERS"
SPEAKS IN SENTENCES.....SOMETIMES UNCLEAR ONES
LOVES HER NURNEY
LOVES TO RUN AND JUMP "I RUN MOMMIE I JUMP"
SAYS SHUT UP "SHUP"
YELLS AT OUR DOGS
LIKES TO EAT "CANEY" CANDY
LIKES KITTIES AND CALLS THEM "CAT-IES"
LOVES KIDS AND BABIES
HAS AN AMAZING MEMORY
CALLS DAD BEAUIE
HATES HER POTTIE LOVES DIAPERING BABY DOLLS
LIES ON OUR DOG CARE BEAR...TRIES TO SNUGGLE
LIKES THE MOVIE JUNO? I KNOW WEIRD HU.
SPITS HER WATER FROM THE SIPPY AND LAUGHS
DANCES TO ANY BEAT
LOVES TO SING ALONG WITH DADDY AND HIS GUITAR
PEEKS OUT THE FRONT WINDOW IN AMAZEMENT
LOVES CHO CHO TRAINS....HAD HER FIRST TRAX RIDE AND LOVED IT!!
BURPS AND LAUGHS FARTS AND SAYS "TOOT TOOT"
POINTS AT THE SKY AND SAYS "BLUE"
HAS GROCERY STORE FITS AND RUNS AWAY





SINGS THE ENTIRE TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR SONG WITH NO HELP

Arden Betty

This is Arden Betty. Our good friend jessica potter tok her pictures at the temple this april. Check her page out......Romabeephotography.com

This night we went to a moon lit beach and made out. I love my husband so much!! We had to hide from the renta cop kicking people off the beach.
A word on getting away. so your married. you see eachother poop. you argue over finances. lets face it dudes the day in day out can wear on you and your marriage. That is why i strongly suggest getting away. Leave the kids, drop everything and just go!! Consider it an investment to your marriage. People say "Its so expensive, we just cant afford it" i say ; stop saying that!! how can you afford not to? your kids deserve parents that are in love!! When all you do is kids, kids, kids, diapers, grocerys, meatloaf, work,fix the car,fix the thing, life gets mundane!!! It gets boring and then you start to pick at eachother for stupid things because your not living!!! You are instead going through the motions. pee poop sleep eat. Guys.....do yourself a favor and get away from reality. I fell in love with beau all over again during this short and cheep trip to our very own version of paradise.

eating gelato in a perfect little alley.

we found a car covered in computer keys!! do u love it or what!!?

we had our first kiss on this beach.

i want to be a mermaid. its getting out of hand how much i want this. can damn urcela just give me a tail and take my voice!! im done with this land crap.

this was our four year wedding anniversary. we spent it on the beach that we fell in love at five years ago.

my husband is beautifull. thats right i said beautifull. that is the only way to describe him. hes a 10!!just looking at him gets me going.

this is my red suitcase. she goes everywhere i go. i refuse to purchase new lame luggage. vintage is the only way for this girl.

our first ride on an air plane together

This night was amazing!! my dear friend laura decided to get married and told all but three people. Anne and i went with her for her endowment and it was the best experience. i freeking love these girls. we all met in california at the sea cliff singles ward. anne was friends with beau and gave him my number!! i sereously owe her the world for reuniting beau and i. Laura is on of the most unique people you will ever meet. sereousley she eloped!! she has a cat called megan regret and once had a ring with a boyfriend that said laura+JASON +GARY COLEMAN engraved on it. she is crazy and that is why i love her. most girls look at me like im a total weener when im myself. not laura.we send eachother letters in the mail and tape weird things on them. laura sent me sand and i sent her anthrax a.k.a flour. good stuff. somewhere in my million junk drawers i have a pretty crayon drawing of a dead swallow by laura. its the most priceless piece of art i own. i need to tape it on my wall and i think i will.

Laura, Anne and Emily

domestic

Well well well...........here i am. cant spell. wont capitalize (i refuse to) and on a compurer blogging? sereously, who gave me a computer? dislexic and a resource rebel to name a few. life is good and im happy. i found myself telling beau how happy i am just the other day. this is amazing considering the many times i bawled him out going "i dont know what i want to do with my life" or "feel sorry for me because all can do is be a starving artist" SEREOUSLY LAME. when arden came she changed me. i became a completeley new person. im responsible??? yes, i am. and i give orders. its like when your a mom, you have too, IM DOMESTIC AND I LIKE IT. growing up i was made to beleve your nothing if you dont work. a stay at home mom was at the bottom of the food chain. for so long i fought this idea of marrage and kids and wiping asses all day long. well, turns out that was my calling here on earth. i spend my days with arden betty and nothing,no job no ammount of money could make me happier then she makes me each day. and guess what changing diapers is cool. cooking dinner is fun. im going to do it naked more often. BEAU SHAFFER IS MY ROCK. without him i would be in a hundai accent with armpit hair and a paintbrush in my hand.