ThE tErRIbLe TwOs

heres arden at famous daves, we had to tell her the pig was gunna come to our table if she didnt sit down and eat
heres a classic example of a tantrum..
blue ice cream,root beer popcicles, tantrums, the backyardagains surfer dude toy, m&ms, tantrums again, a new blow up "fwimming" pool and stripping naked on the front porch, waking up at 7am, my little ponies on repeat,spilling rice crispies everywhere, riding the dog, screaming at the top of your lungs...scratching and pulling hair,begging to wear my lingeree to the store because they are your fairy dresses,pouring pee pee on the bathroom floor and insisting on wiping it up,changing your clothes four times daily because of stains,throwing your doll out the car window then screaming bloddy murder,digging into potted plants and throwing the dirt on the floor,standing up in the cart at the store,climbing out and falling,calling people in my phone to breathe in it,peeing the bed, putting on my makeup,wiping with an entire roll of toilet paper, being my human blanket at night "snuggle me" the pickyness,the tears,and the giggles... all this and i'd have you ten more times if i had too. arden i love you and i love your terrible twos. but dear lord please make em go by fast...im losing my sanity:)
today i went with a friend (whos due for baby #2 any day now) to babys r us and found myself wanting to buy all the cute stuff and set up the crib, i swear the cutest baby even looked up at me with sparkley eyes and said "hi"...then i looked at arden, hanging out of the cart screaming bloddy murder for no reason, dirty face and all (precious dirty face that is)and thought: oh hell no not yet. and thats the truth.

I tHInK iM iN lOVe

yes im in love, with these dishes:) perfect for a fairy party with little cakes and tea! my dishes all ran away with the spoon, so i got these for mothers day(thanks beauie) every girldeserves a set of pink and green dishes, its only fair right? now all i need is a pink cake plate to match! just thinking about it makes me giddy.

and lets not forget the tree that lives next door! each morning i open my bathroom window to peer out and get a glance at this little beauty. pink and green, what perfect colors.if i were a little girl i'd have a picnic under this tree.

tattoos and bumblebees

sereously, zoom in on my arm in the picture above.. if you can. and when you do what will you see? a freekin homemade tattoo given to me by a third grader packin a "gel pen" like a freekin gun. heres how it all went down. were preparing to start art class when racheal, goes "miss emily can i give you a fake tattoo?" and im like "sure...how about mom in a heart on my arm"(thinking soft felt/crayola) so yeah....she procedes to slice into my arm...and im going ouch this kinda hurts..."be softer" and then when shes done and she trots away looking for another victim. im not jokeing when i say i have a scar. I HAVE A DAMN TATTOO ON MY ARM....THAT SAYS MOM FOR CRYING OUTLOUD! and its not going away. im freeking out man. i got freeking inked by an eight year old..it wouldnt be so bad, but lets say this perticular child does'nt have the best handwriting per say. so yeah...just another weird thing to add to the crazyness that is emily.
what else happened this week? oh....yeah...wienersnitzle is didgusting and i swear its given me the swine flu...i wanna ralf thinking about it...eew! um...we went to the bees game and loved it. sat infront of a bunch of drunks...who were hillarious man. downed some nachoes..and cheered on the team. arden is obsessed with the bee/scared of him? i dono...who knows! i'd be scared of a dude in a bee costume too.
thats about it for today...just pray that this freeking thing fades...i godda go smear on some neosporin:)

Dees

A PLACE WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME...
YOU CAN GET THE SENOIR CHICKEN STRIP MEAL...FOR 5 BUCKS..AND IT COMES WITH A ROLL....
A PLACE WHERE FRIENDS MEET....AND LAUGH TILL THEY HAVE TEARS RUNNING DOWN THEIR CHEEKS...
WHERE YOU ORDER ANYTHING YOU WANT ON THE MENU BECAUSE...ITS DEES! OH YES BABY...GIMME SOME DEES AND A SIDE OF HEART BURN. HERES WHAT WAS ON LAST NIGHTS MENU...HOT CAKES COMBO...CHEEZY BACON BURGER.....APPLE PIE AND A DISH OF ALA MODE....SPAGETTII WITH MEAT BALLS....A SIDE OF GARLIC BREAD....A SENIOR SIZED CHICKEN DINNER....AN OREO SHAKE..WITH A CHERRY ON TOP...AND THREE FREE SUCKERS. WHAT MORE COULD YOU ASK FOR? WE DINE IN STYLE OK. SEREOUSLY HOMIES....DONT BOTHER ME WITH FANCY PANTS PLACES LIKE....UM I DONO....BECAUSE I HAVE DEES AND DEES HAS CLASS. WHEN IM 80 IM GOING TO DEES..HOPEFULLY LUGGING AN OXIGEN TANK...WEARING MY HAIR IN A BEEHIVE....DRINKING CUP UPON CUP OF BLACK COFFIE. AND IM GOING TO HIT PEOPLE WITH MY CANE...BUT DONT WORRY...ILL BE HAPPY BECAUSE I HAVE MY SENIOR CHICKEN DINNER....AND I CRAP MY DIAPER. (I DONT KNOW WHY I PUT THAT, BUT I LIKE IT AND IM KEEPING IT) OK GUYS....GO TO DEES YOU MAY GET DIAHREAH BUT SEREOUSLY WHO CARES? ITS WORTH THE RISK.

A Few sMaLl thInGs tHaT doNt MaTtER a bIt

first off i'd like to dedicate this blog to the weird scandanavian woman (WHOM I TOLD OFF AT WAL MART TODAY ) i wanted to tell you that i dont feel bad for a second for letting you know how i felt. (oh the blessings of the downtown wal mart)its like "yeah lady i know your wondering if boniva is right for you, but move your freeking cart, because i know you see me standing here" im so terrible...whenever someones in my way in a store that old rap song pops into my head and i repeat it over and over in my mind "move b get out the way b get out the way" what kind of christian mother would do this i ask you? a damn froot loop! and thats what i am.
so how bout the weather eh? i know, its depressing....and you godda find things get your mind off it to......ESCAPE. oh im good at this. first off im reading this book for the a second time. THIS BOOK IS AMAZING! it takes me away to a beach and a summer day. let me warn you tho, it gets a bit hot and heavy. nope not a trashy paper back with a harlott, a naked stud,and a rose... just freeking sexie ok. beau looks over at me and goes "what the heck are you reading?" and im like "dont worry about it...go to sleep"

what else? things that dont matter.....oh i decided to put up a picture of the cup i stole from my moms house. BECAUSE UGLY CUPS NEED FRIENDS TOO. also, im proud to say that my gay beta fish sally bruce is still going strong. keep living little he/she i know you have endured endless tsunamis of fish food overflow from dear arden, but i think the worst is behind you. in closing i want to write a love letter to the spicy Mc chicken sandwitch. Dear samwitch that makes my ass big, i love you. i love your mayo...and your cheep bun. i love the way your meat probably came from 72 different chickens...MABY CATS? but please, i write you this letter to tell you to we cant keep doing this,leave me alone i beg you. summer is nearing and...your not helping me get into my skinny jeans. i still love you and i will miss our late nights after work...but honey please...your cheep. did you really think it would last? YOU DESERVE BETTER. lets face it i deserve better. much love, EmILy eLizAbEtH*
PS:I HAD TO ADD THE BOOKS NAME!! ITS THE LAST SUMMER OF YOU AND ME( READ IT LADIES)

tHe sTuFf oF NiGHtmArEs

He seemed harmless in the beginning...
but when you got a closer look....
something was just not right....
and he leaves you screaming...and TERRIFIED...THE STUFF OF NIGHTMARES...LITERALLY.
then hes gone and you never forget.
OK HONESTLY? WHAT THE EFF? WHO IN THE SWEET NAME OF EASTER PICKED THIS COSTUME? AFTER ALL THE CREATIVE, BEAUTYFULL, STORYBOOK WORDS I USED TO DESCRIBE THE EASTER BUNNY TO MY CHILD...AND ARDEN SEES THIS!SHE NOW HATES THE EASTER BUNNY. THANKS WHEELER FARM STAFF FOR OPTING FOR THE "GOOD COSTUME" WHAT DID THIS LITTLE BEAUTY SETCHA BACK? 10 BUCKS...AND MABY AN OLD PACKAGE OF HOT DOGS?? ARDEN HAS GOT TO THINK WE ARE CRAZY NOW,BECAUSE THE POUR KID THINKS THAT THIS FREEK(YES I SAID FREEK) WILL BE VISITING OUR HOUSE TONIGHT!SORRY HOMEY, NO CARROTS FOR YOU....JUST SO YOU KNOW I HAVE A GUN and i will shoot you in the face:) HAS ANYONE EVER SEEN THE MOVIE DONNIE DARKO? IF YOU HAVE YOU WONT ASK WHY IM WONDERING. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU SAW THIS THING STANDING AT THE END OF YOUR BED? HA! FREEKY. WELL....HAPPY EASTER...AND MANY YEARS OF THEARAPY:)

the beach house

SO WE BOUGHT IT!! yeah thats right we bought The Beach House tanning salon. i know crazy right? blame it on my amazingly ambitious husband ok....sereously he never stops. beaus mind just ticks and ticks. things have been crazy, fun, confusing, and well....new.yeah, its a new era in our little life together. sereously when im running the place people are shocked to see that the crazy, chatty, small "little girl" is the owner. they just dont expect it, its funnyto see the looks on their faces when they ask who owns the place:)
for those of you who want a little color before summer....come check us out! its adoreable, and our beds are to die for SMOKIN HOT...all ultra ruva so nope...we wont burn ya:) well just give you a little glow. so far ive only been a few times...and im feeling much more ALIVE! im brown in the summer and vampire white in the winter. i dont know what it is, i just feel so much prettyer when i have a little glow in my cheeks. AND TAN TOES ARE A MUST! give me brown little feet with candy colored toe nails, and a pair of flops...thats all i need and im ready for summer, and i know its gunna be a good one:)

lIkE BuTta

SO I FOUND THIS LITTLE BEAUTY THIS WEEK AND... IM IN LOVE. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN SUCH AN AMAZING BUTTER DISH? THE BEST PART OF ALL WAS THAT I PAID $1.99 FOR IT. NOW WHENEVER THE BUTTERS ALL GONE I CAN BE LIKE "oH hi aLICe hoWs disH LiFe ToDaY?

Cold California and Lost

lost in a dirty sea...im lost, so lost.

THe photo booth, the picture show. you never crack a smile. get me out of your cold california, i wanna be in the sun for a whyle.

CAkEs, bUbBLeGuM, aNd wOrMs

miss arden and my secret weapon

This little devil, had to be bribed with candy to let me take a decent picture...oh arden betty...the adventures.

Im a cake freek...so when i saw this little number i had to buy it for arden...its magnificent! a delacacy of little deserts on fabric . i once wanted to own my own bakery, get a huge sleve tattoed on my arm, and give free cookies to bums. but then i figured out i only wanted to be maggy gilinhall on Stranger Then Fiction. i love her.
What else? we are potty training....and its....interesting. every day its an adventure. i bought her tinkerbell panties, and shes so skinny she looked like a starved war victim. she hates them by the way...and she says in a loud, almost physcotic voice "cHaNgE mY DIaPeR" so....my strategy with the potty has been simply this...a pretty little bubble gum machine. when she goes on the potty she gets a penny and a brightly colored gumball(AND IT ALWAYS HAS TO BE ORANGE...SHES OBSESSED WITH ORANGE).its worked like a charm..so far.
Oh, one more thing....we found out ardens TERRIFIED of worms!! i have never seen her freek out like she did last night. we will never watch How To Eat Fried Worms again.she even freeked out at the sight of gummy worms!!! worms are ardens boogie monster.

Without a care in this world........

Oh to feel so free.....looking at these pictures of arden betty made me miss summers spent as a little girl. when the weather gets warm i feel so happy ...so free!
the sun has been out....and that makes life just a little bit better. im so over this winter.... over snow and colds.....im done with sweaters and boots. give me sunburns and barefeet. when i was a little girl i ran barefooted everywhere, i wore a thousand mardigra beads and a swimsuit. my skin was brown,my hair ratty, and my teeth crooked...to put it nicely,i was a little trashy gypsy girl. i was that little girl who wore skirts too big for her and boys shoes(the girl the rich mothers thought was so pretty, she just needed to be groomed a little:)....i rode my byke all over town and played in the "field" aka an old abandoned lot behind a highway...in the industrial side of town.this place was my fort...my little playland. old abandoned signs and broken down cars, alice had wonderland...i had the dump. we'd find old wood to build forts with...and we took it sereously our forts became our new home...i even remember poopong in them!!on these long summer days i was gone all day i'd go home only to rummige for change to buy penny candies at the quick stop. looking back,its amazing im alive today. all this and i feel lucky that i had that much freedom. i feel bad for the kids who had it so "normal" the schedules and the dance clases the ones who never went outside. from what i have seen...they came out a bit boring.im thankfull that i was not one of those snotty little girls with the perfect scrunchie hair and no imagination. give me my pink bike,traintracks, jelly shoes, ice cream truks, dirty fingernails, and my sister at my side. i would take a summer day like this over any memory i have.to this day when i see a ratty little girl i think of me.

on a cloudy day

RiLo KiLEy -a bEtTer SoN/dAuGhTeR
i Found rilo kiley in my mail box 5 years ago via a burned cd from my pal laura. i remember locking myself in my parents bathroom...listening to this and thinking wow there is hope.....someone out there feels as crazy and out of sorts as me.it was a dark winter. i worked the midnight shift in a gas station located by nothinhg but open space and maby a trailer park. all i needed was a couple hundred dollars and then i'd plan my next escape.this song among others got me through sleeping all day and cleaning slurpy machines all night. so thank you rilo kiley...i still do and always will need you. here are the dazziling lyrics to one of my favorite songs
SOMETIMES IN THE MORNINNG I AM PETRIFIED AND CANT MOVE
AWAKE BUT CANNOT OPEN MY EYES
AND THE WEIGHT IS CRUSHING DOWN ON MY LUNGS
I KNOW I CANT BREATHE AND HOPE SOMEONE WILL SAVE ME THIS TIME
AND YOUR MOTHERS STILL CALLIN YOU INSANE AND HIGH
SWEARIN ITS DIFFERENT THIS TIME
AND YOU TELL HER TO GIVE IN TO THE DEMONS THAT POSSESS HER
THAT GOD NEVER BLESSED HER INSIDES
THEN YOU HANG UP THE PHONE AND FEEL BADLY FOR UPSETTING THINGS
CRAWL BACK INTO BED TO DREAM OF A TIME
WHEN YOUR HEART WAS OPEN WIDE AND YOU LOVED THINGS JUST BECAUSE
LIKE THE SICK AND THE DYING

AND SOMETIMES WHEN YOUR ON YOUR REALLY effing ON
AND YOUR FRIENDS THEY SING ALONG AND THEY LOVE YOU
BUT THE LOWS ARE SO EXTREME THAT THE GOOD SEEMS effing CHEEP
AND IT TEASES YOU FOR WEEKS IN ITS ABSENCE
BUT YOULL FIGHT AND YOULL MAKE IT THROUGH
YOULL FAKE IT IF YOU HAVE TOO
AND YOULL SHOW UP FOR WORK WITH A SMILE
YOULL BE BETTER AND YOULL BE SMARTER
AND MORE GROWN UP AND A BETTER DAUGHTER
OR SON
AND A REAL GOOD FRIEND
AND YOULL BE AWAKE
YOULL BE ALERT YOULL BE POSITIVE THO IT HURTS
AND YOULL LAUGH AND EMBRACE ALL YOUR FRIENDS
AND YOULL BE A REAL GOOD LISTENER
YOULL BE HONEST YOULL BE BRAVE
YOULL BE HANDSOME AND YOULL BE BEAUTYFULL
YOULL BE HAPPY
YOUR SHIP MAY BE COMMIN IN
YOUR WEAK BUT NOT GIVIN IN TO THE CRIES AND THE WALES OF THE VALLEY BELOW
AND YOUR SHIP MAY BE COMMIN IN YOUR WEAK BUT NOT GIVIN IN
AND YOULL FIGHT IT IF YOU GO OUT FIGHTIN ALL OF EM.

please go listen to this song asap. you will understand why i love it so.

ANGRY LITTLE DOLLS (what im working on right now)

These are just a few of my angry little dolls. i love each one of them because they come from experiences and moments in my life. anger fules my passion for art like nothing else i know. its the hardest emotion for me and yet, the most creative emotion for me. ANGER.

miss arden betty gets stripes

yikes stripes!! so i did it again,and i loved every second of it. when i was working at mariott during my pregnancy i fell in love with the yellow striped walls in the suits. i loved the comfy feeling they created in the rooms and the fact that they looked nice and they were fun too!every day i stood on swollen feet and dreamed of sleeping in the rooms and puking in those pretty toilets! (yeah, i dream big hu?) so, what do you know?? i painted stripes for my sweet bundle on the way. we opted for a gender neutral green and white....and it was so sweet! little elephants and pokadots,perfect for a boy or a girl.....heres a small peek of the wall (boring picture because i had to edit my naked pregnant bellie out:)
Well, when we moved into our new house we had a million jobs to do. you name it we did it! it was fun and hectic and the house is just as we wanted it....except for miss arden bettys room. we were just not up to the task....so we called it good. but this week i had to do something....and i missed those baby stripes oh so much! so yup i did it again....heres the result. i love it and most of all arden loves it. beau and i laugh because growing up we never had nice rooms. i plastered mine with magazine cutouts and pictures of my friends....to cover up my moms choice of pink unicorns...that crap still haunts me. i hated those walls so much, i remember being 6 and wiping boogers on the walls while sitting in bed. beau tells me the story of being moved into colbys room (his big bro) when he moved out. not so bad, but good ole colb left freddy cruger up on the wall..and no one bothered to take the stupid poaster down! talk about nightmares. so anyway, this is just a peek, i need to go to some baby botiques and find some good stuff for the walls...im not much of a decorator but its so much fun!!

dROwNDIng PAsT REGReTS In TEA AND cIGARETTEs

i painted this on a rainy night in march a few years ago. it took me about two hours, and i cried the entire time.....in the background i listened to life in mono by Mono on repeat. this song fueled my creativity as music always does. it is key to my creation. because of the emotional attachment i doubt i could ever sell this piece.

death and day time tv....... my fears on paper

irony. this is a word i will use for this journal piece. my fears of motherhood and being stuck home with only day time tv to comfort me were brought together in two seperate pages. what irrational childish fears i had. motherhood is not death i soon found out. it is the opposite really. i guess growing up i saw too many examples of women who LOST themselves during these years of babies and pregnancy. (my mother not being one of these)i suppose these fears arent abnormal tho....but how funny that i associated motherhood with death and death to me was none other then (picture this) me, 30 years old 40 pounds overweight,wearing a mickey mouse t shirt and sweats,a bucket of chicken on my lap. all around me i see piles of laundry just begging to be folded. papers and bills stacked, the baby in an old carrot stained sleeper suit with vomit down his chin. oh,and a toddler with messy pants and a fever. on tv....maury, sally, montell.....and a little court tv if you will. my husband is nowhere to be found...maby with his sexie blonde co-worker at a chilis somewhere...or a motel giving to her what he already gave me back before mickey mouse t shirts and old chicken. SO YES FOLKS, WHEN I WAS A YOUNG GIRL THIS WAS MY FEAR...MY BIGGEST FEAR. and i am proud to say i have concored my fear...my life is nothing like this.im as busy as a bee and on top of it all....but still if it was a choice between death and daytime tv....I'D CHOOSE DEATH. :)dont take this poast as me being anti mother anti homemaker....call it anti depression anti disfunction. its as simple as that.

LOST MY MARBLES

I love old things. old is better. old is beautyfull. my house is old, and thats the only way i want it. the thought of a new home saddens me. all my life i dreamed of a big front porch and old walls with weird plates. i have the porch, now im working on the plates. saturday my friend suzzy and i went antiquing. my finds?? two bird plates and an old mayonayse jar that i filled with marbles.10 cents each!!! i was overjoyed as i dropped each marble in the jar, and me and the little old lady running the place counted them out. suzzy got one to mach. friendship marble jars if you will. who needs rings when you can have marble jars?

our new neighbors...journal art and such

In your eyes i see a darkness that torments you

i painted her in my kitchen listening to the juliana theory.....back in 04? yeah. this painting was very emotional to me. i link songs i listen to with memories, and when i painted this memories of a crazy relationship from my past came flodding back in my mind.my art saved me from this.
WHEN I PAINT I FEEL A RELEASE THAT I CAN NOT DESCRIBE. I KNOW THIS GIFT WAS GIVEN TO ME BY GOD. ITS MY HEALING. FOR ME THERE IS NOTHING IN THIS WORLD BETTER THEN ME AND A SIMPLE DAY ON A TILE FLOOR WITH A PAINTBRUSH IN MY HAND AND AND A CANVAS AT MY FEET.

I HAVE SO MUCH ANTICIPATION OF WHAT THE SUN WILL BRING. THIS IS EMILY WISHING FOR SUMMER

SLOWLY, I HAVE SO MANY PIECES I NEED TO POAST..............THIS ONE I PAINTED ON A SUNNY DAY LAST SPRING.