i need to plant sunflowers.
sunflowers are the answer to everything
and maby when they grow, everything will be ok.

oh my goodness

i love this picture so much

ps: we say goodness...because gosh is bad. somehow shes convinced its a swear word...and now when i say gosh, i feel guilty

i dont know how i will be able to love another little one
as much as i love this one
but i know the second my little man is born....that
my heart will be full.
today i feel.....
a little scared and very
excited...taking advantage of sleep...because i know that soon...in three small months my life will never be the same.

my dryer is tits up...thats emily for broken
its been weeks 
thing is..i have one downstairs thats freed up in a month....so i shall wait
in the mean time i go to this RAD LITTLE 70'S LOOKING
laundrymat
arden plays with the hood children and i drink sprites and read random articles on how to de-clutter smal spaces
its 2 blocks from my house next to this cute little tattoo parlor. when i am here...i feel so happy....i may never get a dryer back...this is just too fun
"DONT CALL ME EMILY, RIGHT NOW IM MISS STATIC ELECTRICITY"-

i want to have a water birth....it makes so much sense for me to have my baby in water. im a mermaid...thats all there is to it. found out today that the birthing center in salt lake is closed...so im opting for home birth. its all i can think about. birthing my little man in water.  

last week i had a dream that i was crossing the street
i was downtown by my house, and a homeless man wouldnt let me by
my little one was in my arms, and i had tears running down my cheeks.

when i finally got home i found dozens of homeless people on my porch. they had gotten out all my paintings on canvas and painted what they wanted over them.
my paintings
i shooed them away and began scrubbing the new paint off the canvas...in hopes to get back what was once there.
i never got it back.

birthing my baby in a place like this....in my head...its my special place
in hypnobabies they teach you to go to your special place when your in labor
some girls have a beach...or a cozy luxurious room...
im having my baby inside a flower

four months
and i feel great! ok so sereously my emotions are funny right now...i cry over nothing. last night i was crying about how much i love my mom. i was in my bed and it was 1am...beau is a little freaked out...oh and lets not forget when i cried over the figure skating on tv during the olimpics. im dead sereous when i tell you i said "its like they are making love on ice"-through tears. these horemones are so weird!
   what else? started Hypnobabies class last week! we love love love it. yes...i am going 100% natural during childbirth and loving preparing myself and beau for it. arden is used to the cds in the car and frequently falls asleep to the hypnosis tracks:) love that.
  Broke down this week and went on a "maternity clothes" shopping spree. it was fun! and lets face it, it was time. forever 21 is a gift from the gods because i found tons of shirts perfect for my growing bellie. jeans are next...dreading that..need to find skinny jeans asap.
 i am 4 months along....and wondering where time has gone?? we have our second apt with my new (amazing) doctor (love HER) on april fools day! we hope to find out the sex for sure. she said last time and i quote "looks like a boy to me, but wait to buy blue" i cant even tell you how big the smile was on beaus face :)
i'll keep you poasted

three and in love

my little one

upon awakening

refuses her cerial

and requests chips n cheese

my little one loves this

little summer dress

and refuses to wear anything but

it melts my heart

we have puppies

three are sold and go next week

sweety is our runt

and ardens best friend

they sleep together they eat together

they do EVERYTHING together

how will we ever let her go??

arden thinks she is a toy

i'll catch her walking with her

holding her by one arm

like a rag doll!

oh boy

she only plays with sweety

the other three dont exist

what am i to do

when her best friend is gone?

i

feel

so bad

TODAY IS MY margot tEneNbAuM day

I LOVE HER

SHE IS FABULOUS

BECAUSE

SHE LOCKS HERSELF IN HER BATHROOM

AND WATCHES TV

AND

SMOKES CIGARETTES

I DID THIS TODAY

MY FRIEND WATCHED ARDEE SO I COULD

BE SICK (BLECK)

SO I CARRIED MY MINI

TV

INTO THE BATHROOM AND

WATCHED

THE HOURS

I AM GOOD AT LIVING IN MY BATHTUB

VERY

VERY GOOD

I EAT HERE

I READ HERE

IF I SMOKED I'D GET LIT HERE

(I DONT)

I LOVE MY TUB

MARGOT....HERES TO YOU

just to paint you a picture

i refuse to puke in toilets

who wants to hurl...

then look over and see

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

pee and poop

or a friggin

pube?

not me

so i puke all over my house

this old watercolor painting

seemed to say

eMiLy

right

now

today

  

ps: i ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans

today

so very excited to see this!

 in other emily news:
i have a lil cold
and a song to go with it in my head
"its getting cold and im starting to sneeze, i wipe my nose on my sleeve. got the sniffles, i'd better drink my tea...do ya wanna, wanna catch a cold with me?"-jewel
- love this song, it makes me feel better about all the little tissue friends that surround me always.
oh....and my little red nose.im back in hybernation.

THREE LIL MONTHS
i am feeling a litle bit like emily again
my energy is returning
me and miss arden actually leave the house now...
im growing fast, and loving and embracing it
even my thys....a little
this baby is so sweet
i can feel its little spirit with me every day
and that is pure bliss
beau and i will see our baby for the first time
this thursday!!
and i cant wait...i pray everything is perfect inside
my doctor is a female obg so this is new for me
things are going to be diffrent this pregnancy and birth
i will go into that another day soon
for now....heres me and baby...almost done with this.....

InSaNe first trimester

My sexie husband turned 29
i baked him a violent war cake
this year
blood n guts
we ate trashy breakfast at a diner
in a hood
it was fun
our waters had float-ies
we spent the day together
and it was fab
three things
three
littlethings
that i love about beau
1. the freckle on his bottom lip
2. because he will say things that i am thinking at the exact moment
3. the man is a go getter..the sky is the limit with beau..nothing is out of reach
4. i said three...now go get your own husband:)

summer time
im dreaming of this
i cant wait to ride my bycycle
and buy fireworks
and eat snow cones
and get so brown...from the sun of corce
(no tanning beds for me)
i miss my little summer house
with the ivy
and our big trees
i will buy arden the biggest blow up pool
and we will spend hours here
soon enough
soon enough...

this is what my baby looks like today

i am ten weeks into this

THING

making baloney sam-witches

like every hour

i live in my yoga pants

and my war is over T-SHIRT

i vacumed today

so i feel like a bad ass

"OH YEAH LOOK AT ME"

suckin up dirt...what a loser

i jusk keep

dreaming of summer days

arden wants to name the baby 

TYLER

i told her no chance...

stuck on boys names??

have a million girl names 

ready to go

for now thats it 

             me and baby ten weeks

I LOVE THIS MAN
SEREOUSLY.....I DO
THIS IS OUR SEVENTH VALENTINES DAY TOGETHER
WE UP AND WENT TO VEGAS FOR "BALEMTIMES"
RODE UP WITH GOOD FRIENDS (ALSO PREGNANT AND FEELIN IT)
THREW UP IN THE DESERT...BEANS HURT COMMING UP
PEED SOME TOO
THEN PUKED MORE AND SAID THE EFF WORD :)
HAD SOME RASBERRY GILATTO...DELISH
SLEPT IN THE BEST DIVE EVER
AND BUSTED OUT HOT PINK MAGNIFICENCE
TMI?
I DONT CARE
LOST 20 BUCKS....(BEAU)
I ACTUALLY ATE A SMALL STEAK FOR VALENTINES DINNER
AND KEPT IT DOWN
SNUGGLED WITH BEAU AND JUST TOLD MYSELF
DESPITE THE CIGARETTE MUST AND THE WEIRD
STAINS ON THE CARPET (OF THE DIVE)
THIS IS HEAVEN BECAUSE IM WITH YOU.
HE GOT SICK ON THE RIDE HOME...
I THINK IT WAS SIMPATHY PAINS
BECAUSE HE HAD MY EXACT SYMPTOMS FOR ONE DAY ONLY
ALL IN ALL GREAT/INSANE VALENTINES DAY
ILL NEVER FORGET IT

So happy valentines day

i hope he buys you roses

this song

by

alkaline trio

just makes me cry

a little bit

its called

enjoy your day

listen to it

and your heart will

break

paint baby

arden and i painted yesterday afternoon

she got very into it

i love sharing my passion for

art with my child

this is what she looked like

when we were all done

melt my heart

the real thing things are the same
vomit
vomit
vomit
my mom came and took care of me for a week
then i went back home with her (to get babysat more)
i am not myself
i am boring and weird
i hate those foods i used to love
i love being in bed
i dry heave at any smell
drove past an olive garden sign on the freeway
and chunks were rising in my throat
made beau drive across town to buy me tacos
when he got home i wasnt craving them anymore
i actually cried
about tacos??
im a wimp about everything
my mom wanted to make tunafish
i told her to go outside in the snow to do it
i wasnt like this with arden
yeah i puked....all the time
but the smell thing?
im like a damn drug dog...sereously
i can smell anything and it friggin sucks
preggy pops do not work
i refuse to take medication for this....
why? so my baby can be born with no spine or something??
ha...no way
bought a new bed...i want my room to be pretty
because my secret plan is to give birth here by myself
that or in my ugly blue tub
up top is a picure...of what i pretty much look
like every day:)
bed head
no makeup
house is a mess
morning breath all day long