Tuesday, December 7, 2010

its a sunny day today.
in a perfect world
ardee, harry, and i could take a balloon ride 
but for today...it will be iron and wine
(playing such great heights) my kitchen,
a bowl full of sugar cookie dough
and dreams
my own little dreams

Monday, December 6, 2010

just so you know
 i think tomatoes are sick dont force one upon me
i have a swearing problem...ok...dont change me
i start things and dont finish them
 sometimes im scared i have adult a-d-d
what if im some weird form of autistic??
i have a picking problem
i like to bake cakes...even if i burn the s out of them i will frost them pretty
i dont pay attenton to detail
i want to live in a house made of krispy creams
animals dont like me...
i dont look at my bills..but because of beau i have stellar credit
i speed
i dont like minty gum...its like toothpaist...im a chid i swear
i can puke like nobodys business.its loud
that is all for now

Thursday, December 2, 2010

dear santa
i want this pink kitchen
dont make me beg fat man
gimmie gimmie i need i need
(thats me doing bob/love bob)
(if you dont know who bob is we cant be friends)

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

im going private on my blog
too many creepers
if you want to read
send me your email and ill add you

Saturday, November 6, 2010

the 'stupid duck face'
here i am doing the stupid duck face
thats what my space girls do right?
i leave these glasses everywhere
and i squint my way through life...i have a wrinkle now
because of my irresponsibility..its sad really
i am the girl that looses things
 and i hate putting damn gas in my car
i putter around on fumes, even tho i have a perfectly good
debit card in my wallet
 many times i end up walking... once i had to jump a fence
and i tore my shirt... i hated that shirt anyway
so it was worth it
im glad that i did that
beau hates that i do this..its just gas...fill it up right?
truth is..
i die a little bit inside every time i have to feed that damn thing

Thursday, November 4, 2010

rUnNiNg FrOm My ImAgInAtIoN

Thursday, October 28, 2010

The lady bug and the bumble bee
melt my heart
(pictures by jessica at romabeephotography.com)

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Tots and cupcakes....love them both

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Its time
its been four weeks...and a few days
and im already so done with "after baby body"
beau says im being too hard on myself
but its time...and i feel ready to start
this morning i put my running shoes on for the first
time in a long time
and damn, they feel good
cant wait to start
i have about 15-20 lbs depending on how crazy i go
wish me luck
this mamas back in business
(the picture up top is my motivation picture)

Friday, October 22, 2010

i love her
this movie is one of my all time faves
makes me want to
kidnap gnomes
and do bad things to my neighbors
this october is
soup soup soup...i had a soup epifani and now all i want to do is buy chicken broth and throw crap in a pot.
-spicy corn chowder...orgasmic!
-vegtable stew
-broccoli cheese
next-chicken noodle
what else?? hmmmmmmmmm.....oh!! finished between a rock and a hard place, and i love aron ralston now (watch out beau)
it took me so many "i have to go to the bathroom excuses" to sneak away from the baby madness and read it in my bathroom. cant wait to see the movie 127 hours.
-finally freed myself from from my house and bought a double stroller...saved my mommy life man
-clothing that promotes love...bought a tee that says love me or leave me...and an amazing grey sweater that says i heart u...i dont know why, they just spoke to me
ponyo-arden watches this every day and its amazing!
amelie-i "amelied" my bangs and i love them...thinking of going as amelie for halloween
cupcake madness-threw ardee b and a few "big kid i can handle frosting" friends, a halloween decorating party..it was very cute
moustache-bought a fake one...because it was amazing...i will wear it when i make soup, freak out my kids
the office-now on season six we watch it after babies are fast asleep. ok...im the biggest geek now..my life is THIS COOL: I DREAM UP SCENARIOS OF THE OFFICE. THATS WHAT I DREAM ABOUT! LAST NIGHT I DID THE PILOT EPISODE AND MADE UP A BIZZARO WORLD JIM AND DWIGHT. loser emily, loser :)
showering at 11am-yep thats right, i piss my mornings away...ummm....nursing, cleaning up poo, and washing crap. its actually good, just godda stay "new mom positive" and remember that they grow so fast and soon he will be swearing at me and not coooooing and smiling in his sleep :(
MILK-because i am the nursing milk goddess again and i love it. i love freaking people out and just busting out the boob and puting him on...might i say Harrison is a pro...had a "weird birth" but at least  i got my milk


Wednesday, October 20, 2010

mr. Harrison
my little man
one month old and one day today
i am so in love
so happy
so blessed to have him

Friday, October 8, 2010

its been two weeks
four days...
and i feel like emily
plus two
its amazing the feeling of being a mother
they both sleep in my bed
harrison nurses and sleeps wrapped in me all night
arden hates this a little
days are strange
is this my october?
is this my life?
things have changed
i have changed
and nomatterwhat
i am still
last night i drove fast in my car
that volvo never felt so good
and yeah...i listened to the pixies
i was on
the freeway
pushing 90
and all i could think of was
my journey as me
today i feel
ready for whatever life decides
to throw at me.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

 a timeline of events
five days that changed me forever

14 hours into labor at the birth center
getting into the tub...

slow breaths
mysery sets in, the hard part... i will never forget this wall
holding my mothers hand
after the transfer at the hospital 26 hours into labor
the first picture of my son
me all puffy like (felt huge) 
arden meets harrison
the beautiful face taken from my hospital bed

 the last picture taken..
me and my reward right before
we took him home to stay 
september 24th 2010
Harrison Beau a birth story 
I have been contemplating...if and how i wanted to tell the birth story of my son. because it is so special so sacred i write it to them in the words of a mother speaking to her child. i will tell it to you now in an edited blog sort of way.
sunday september 19 2010 was a sunny day.we went to church and i spent most of the three hour block rocking in the mothers room. i made a special dinner for beau, arden, and i...goblets filled with cranberry juce and all (an emily fave) i rested and we stayed up late watching office reruns(our new thing)around 11pm i started having very strong rushes. all night they came steady and strong. i walked my little house, swaped beds... and even tried the couch for a bit.
im timing them...i write in my journal...THIS IS IT I AM IN LABOR
and tell beau "honey your not going to work tomorow"then i call my mother so she can drive from idaho.i listen to my Hypnobabies and i rock on my birthing ball. but moastly, i held arden. the last day with just me and my baby girl. it brings tears to my eyes as i write this...
beau makes bacon and toast. i guzzle cranberry juice. we get our last minute things together.
bag for me: my little red suitcase filled with swim suit, candles, striped night gown, sox, red robe, brush,hypnobabies bag and cds, and my godsend: the rice bag that i sewed backwards last christmas and never gave as a gift.

10 am my parents arrive, i decide to take a bath a mermaid bath with arden. i do her hair, i do my hair. i pace the halls and call my midwife. i am desperate to be checked...to know if i am dialated to anything! soon after we hit the road. my parents behind us, arden in her seat, and me in the clouds...on a hypnobabies high. i remember staring to the east at the mountains and not feeling a thing, hence the hypnobabies.

Around 12 noon we arrive at the birth center. we check in and the midwifes check me. im dialated to a proud three! i feel good, and i need food asap. we leave and i decide i need salad bar like  a normal person needs air...lucky for me sizzler is down the street. arden betty ordered a steak...that was the only funny thing about lunch that day.GOING INTO TRANSITION IN A SIZZLER IS NOT FUNNY, IT WAS HELL. i got my salad, with a million peas on top. and for some reason...i knew to eat my desert first...and i did. then, i walked around the sizzler with a rice bag (almost out of warmpth ps) on my lower back. i walked out the emergency exit, and paced around the building. people stared, a fat strange woman bragged at how "quickly HER babies came right out" -thanks lady :) finally i asked for a go box and stuffed an apple and an avacado in it, and we left in a hurrrrrrry! did i mention i said the eff word in sizzler?? yeah.
 we get back to the birth center...and im in full on labor pain. i lie on the bed and beau lies behind me. hypnobabies plays all around and beau actually fell asleep-thats what he did in hypnobabies class so i wasnt shocked at all.
soon after i decided it was time to switch things up...i walk, i pace, i ask them to check me. im at a five,and that means i can get into the birthing tub. so...i put on the blue suit and get in the warm water of that blessid tub. by this time, the rushes were comming on stronger then ever, and i needed a "hypnobreak"-beau put on the Newamsterdams, and i cried a little when the song Full Thunder moon came on. the lyrics have always made me think of a mother and her child the part when they sing "your mothers blood"almost made me lose it (find this song and listen to itits beautiful) i was so emotional and a little bit afraid. people were comming in and out. my best friend anna, my mom, and beau. they held my hand and they talked me through the pain. a while later the midwifes took my temperature, and checked the babies heartrate, and they said i needed to get out of the tub...switch things up because he was up and down.
thats when the hardest part of the day set in. the sun is going down, and beau is begging me to eat and drink. i remember eating a small bite of an apple, and having him offer me the sliced up avicado. i was in the zone and reluctant to touch food. i got on my hands and knees and rocked on the birthing ball. my rice bag was glued to my back. whenever it got semi cold, i'd threw it to anyone in reach and begged them "only 40 seconds" because a minute seemed way to long to go without it.
later on: i have no idea of the time, its dark out. my dad is worried. everyone is pacing the floor. beau offers me a sugar babie, and i bit his hand....sereously i did!my mom holds my hand and i have a pool of sweat all around me, and tears running down my cheeks. when is this going to be over? i have hit "the wall" as they say.  i felt like a prisoner in my own small body. i remember saying outloud that i wanted to just run down the street screaming in the darkness. images of me alone in an alley way actually comforted me. i wanted to be alone. like an animal would.it is stil so amazing to me how primal and animal like i became. holding composure was not something i could have done.

8:00PM they put me on a fetal monitor, babies heartrate is all over the place. my rushes are strong and still im at....four minutes apart. i have to stay still...for almost an hour...and it was torture! i just needed to hold tight to my husband and sway in his arms.
9:00PM 22 hours into labor. i have had no drugs and i feel like ive come undone. when the midwifes check me and tell me im at a seven, i feel a small sense of hope...that maby he will be here soon and that the pain will end. thats when they tell me "the news" i have been at a seven for two hours and if im not at at least an eight by ten pm, i have to transfer to a hospital because i am not progressing. (something i didnt know about before hand) so, i am terrified. i get into the tempid tub and my father, my husband,and my father inlaw give me a blessing. i feel the spirit in the room so strongly, and i know what is going to happen.
10:00PM i am still at a seven. my hopes are fading fast, but i am ready to leave. it has been 23 ours of drug free labor and i am ready to see my son.
The sad part was gathering my things. i walked and rushed in the parking lot. arden was asleep. i stood on all fours in the frontseat of the car and i cried.
we checked into a nearby IHC and a kind nurse lead me back to a room. i was sad to put on a hospital gown. a few minutes later a short,dark curly haired doctor came in and i begged him "please dont cut me, please give me a chance"through tears. i looked thatman straight in the eye and pleaded my case like a man begging for his life. it was sad.
they put an iv and a fetal monitor on me, and i watched that machine and "contracted" from ten thirty till six in the morning. my nurse was sweet. she had hopes for me, she cared. my family and my best friend stayed till 4:30 am, i had to beg them to go home and rest.beau slept, and i watched and watched. finally, six thirty and im dialated to a ten!-amazing, unbeleveable! so they "let me" push...little did they know, i was pushing hours ago at an eight. i push, i push, i stick my chin in my chest and i breathe...and push more. a cute girl called emily holds my leg, beau holds the other.(all i can think of is i used to be a cute girl called emily) my hair is wet, its wavy,and i look like something out of the jungle. i even pooped a little beau tells me later..
the doctor, this nice strange, kind, and hopefull man..soon tells me "your pelvic bones never moved, you are this much apart" and he holds his fingers in a peace sign. "your baby is not going to come out"-im crying for the 100 time and im still pushing...im still full of fight. the last thing i said was "ok wait, how long is recovery after a section...i dont even remember anymore" beau has that on tape, and its a little sad.
before i know it im being rushed down a hallway, peoples eyes are on me, i imagine what i look like to them. they pull me into a brightly lit room, and people are rushing everywhere. i am not numb, and i feel the need to remind them of this constantly. it seems like hours, nothing is set up and my entire body is shaking. beau kisses my forehead. i feel like im on an episode of E.R. or something.i remember looking up into the bright lights and thinking i would rather be anyone else in this room then me. i dont remember much after that. the doctor asked me if i feel anything and i say no. i dont feel the tug all the way i remembered it with arden.i am in a state of shock and my body is giving up. its a tuesday morning and all this began sunday night. and then i see HIS FACE, his beautiful face and a small cry as they hold him over the blue screen.  he is perfect and...yes my son is beautiful.doctor said something to the effect of 'you would have never gotten him out, hes a big boy" 6:59 am Tuesday morning and 32 hours later. 
a small time passes by, and they bring him to me. Harrison Angel...that is what i call him. he never cries. his eyes are dark and mysterious and he looks like his daddy. our stay in the hosoital is suprisingly blessid. i slept, i ate good food, and i rested.
it has almost been two weeks today that i gave birth to my little son, and i feel so blessed. i feel healed.
THIS BIRTH TRULY WAS MY HEALING BIRTH. it didnt go as "planned" but it came as god would have it. i went through hell and i would do it ten more times for my son. i feel over my hate and anger about hospitals. its like god knew my little body couldnt do what it needed to do, and so he blessed me with an angel child. he is amazing, and truly a gift. god was with me the entire time, and i never lost faith, i knew whatever happened was in his hands. i know my heavenly father sent harison to me for a reason. he is my sweet little son and i love him so.  

Friday, September 17, 2010

i love these shoes
the mr. bought me a pair for my birthday
Toms loves my fat pregnant feet
i want every color of the rainbow
speaking of rainbows...
have you seen the Demetri martin bit where hes like
"how can one group claim refracted light...its pretty greedy gays"
i love that also
so ok....im 27 years old and last night i cried about it on my couch
my husband watched awestruck...at his "9 year old wife"-sereously i am
a kid in the vans store called me "maam"
and i wanted to punch him in the throat
just a little bit :)
on a happy note...we ate mexican food and it was good
today miss baby went for a play date
i forever 21-ed it a little bit and sat in barnes and noble with
a LARGE starbucks rasberry vanilla italian soda.
it wass nice/soothing/theraputic
read birthing from within-very good book
i would like to end this rant with a bit from "hide your wife"
my u-tube fave at the moment (thank you carly)
''he's climbin in yo window snatchin yo people up hide yo kids hide yo wife"
go watch it this second.
it was the background song of all my dreams last night

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

and one day passes....
im now on baby watch, my due date came and went yesterday...and im still alive...
beau calls me all day from work "are you in labor"
hmmmmm...just peed my pants a little, always contracting, but not much else..the nights are long. i wake up and i eat pie... i love pumpkin pie right now...and it loves me back.
every night i go to bed thinking "is tonight it?" and i pray...please make everything go well.
Cought a cold so thats nice...i'll be the nasty woman on you tube naked and screaming in a birthing tub (with snot running down my nose) my friend elle brought me a bunch of homeopathic medicine to mix up in tea. i carry a cup of rasberry tea with me all over the house, and eat chewy vitamin -c like candy.
set up the crib, even tho i know we will barely use it. arden gets in it, i want to get in it too...it looks so comfy amazing inside. beau painted our old rocker a pretty tothpaist blue and my friend sewed a red cushon for it...gearing up for marathons of NURSING. what else?? My red suitcase is packed...kindove...what do i pack? i always pack stupid crap. maby i'll just throw in a box of twinkies, a bikinii top, and a hypnobabies cd. cant go wrong with that right?
have a bang trim scheduled for tomorrow, and a babysitter (love ya anna) set for thursday night (the day i damn turn 27....SICK) so doubt im going anywhere.
we will just have to wait and see.  for now...PRAY I DONT POOP IN THE TUB, I CANT HANDLE THAT...

Friday, September 10, 2010

miss baby started ballet this week

             anit was precious.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

I am due in five days. i can feel a change in him inside me. his movements have grown, and my pressure waves are stronger then ever. my nesting instinct kicked in and im feeling ready. saturday i washed all his clothes and set up his new little basanet. i remember the day i washed all of ardens clothes before she was born..holding up little onzies, smelling them and imagining the little one who would soon fit inside them. beau painted our rocker a pretty toothpaist blue and my friend is sewing a red cushon to match...it will be amazing. i have not set up  a crib yet...because im a big co-sleeper/night nursing kind of mommie. its been an adventure. i have had an amazing pregnancy,and i feel very blessed. i feel good, huge, but good. every night i waddle to the fridge and guzzle milk. for some reason....milk has been so delicious to me during this pregnancy. hopefully baby boy will drink milk after hes done nursing (arden refuses milk...she was too used to my breastmilk) funny thing is that in the wee morning hours i pee a million times, and just this morning i realized i look like E.T. walking to the bathroom breathing loud, wearing beaus underwear (nice hu) i was on the pot laughing at the sad sight of myself :) five am

      Hypnobabies has been my solace all of these months. arden and i take hypnobabies naps each day, and they are amazing. they clear all of my fears of childbirth. i have moments of insanity when i say to myself "no drugs em?....sereously??"and then i listen to my cds...and I REMEMBER WHY I AM DOING THIS. after im done i feel at peace, and i feel reassured that my birth plan is the right one for me. i know it s gunna hurt like hell, but i feel comfort in knowing my baby will have a peacefull spiritual birth.
   I think we know his name....but nothing is for sure. i need to see his little face and hold him in my arms first. then, we will know...sorry i wont say yet!
    Today i feel good. i feel ready. i woke up and took a long bath and did my hypnobabies surrounded in bubbles and a beautifull baby bellie :) arden slept longer today because of the track playing in the bathroom beside her room. i think i might go buy a sling...or look at fabric to make my own. for sure just spend so much time with my little girl before crazy newborn life sets in! she starts ballet tonight, so that will be something fun for to do. beau and i took her to park city last night and bought her more clothes then we ever had. she deserves it. right now, big changes are comming in her little world. she is watching hello kitty in her new zebra jammies, and my heart is a little bit sad..because i know that this is an end of an era in our life. me and my bestfriends used to quote Hope floats and say "beginnings are scary, endings are sad, but its whats in the middle that counts"-today this gives me much comfort.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Mommy  days
my three year old sucked my hair up in the vacum today
pretty much explains the story behind this picture i just finished.
i used watercolors and a little glue to make her
-we were at the car wash...and me in all my nine months pregnant glory is attempting to
clean the cheerio mess car up  (before baby comes)
im hot and sweaty, and arden sucked my hair up with the big power vacum.
it was...pretty "awesome"
the one good thing i will say about the carwash, is that arden and i love it
we listen to clap your hands say yeah
every time,and pretend monsters are getting us.
she really brings out the three year old in me.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

ArdEn BeTtY

riding "lu-lee" her bff
in the 50 cent garage sale boots

Monday, August 30, 2010

its how i feel today
beau took this picture...two weeks ago...
notice how hard that t shirt is working? hmmm...pants too. my hair a rat nest from passing out on the sofa. we went for icecream...beau ask me if i was going to change. i reluctantly did.
nothing fits anymore!
even my sandals are tight.
this kid moves and moves....
i waddle and huff around the house. i send beau to the store and he buys weird things (like off brand bananna yogart)-sick
i made blueberry pancakes for sunday dinner last night.
drink a gallon of cranberry juice every day.
i dont think arden gets what is comming in a few weeks.
screaming poping baby bliss...im a little scared :)
i have two due dates one is in two weeks
the other on  the 22nd. holy cow.

Friday, August 27, 2010

quite possibly the most amazing floor i have ever walked on. it lives
 in a small room at my grandmothers house.my parents shared this room when they were young parents with a new baby.my uncle lives in this room still. he never moved out. he read, and smoked, and wrote. thats all. can you imaging this floor when this house was new? beautiful. 

Sunday, August 22, 2010

im interviewing a girl today...for a job at our salon
she is young. nice. probably irresponsible....hopefully not as bad as i was at her age.
i have had 21 jobs from 17-23 (4 year arden break) i am now 26 going on 27 and all i can think of is WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?
heres a funny breakdown of the irresponsibility that is eMiLy
 -kfc-  sexually harrased by a line cook every day. got locked in the walk in freezer.called the 80s looking 30 year old braces wearing white trash lady... a bitch when she yelled at me (17 years old) =fired
-The big dipper-ice cream fights  made out with my boyfriend (place went out of business) wonder why?
-jbs-refused to spit out my gum. worked thanksgiving and other holidays went home with 12 dollars in tips, stuff like that. =fired because i would'nt "shut the f up and sit down"- thanks donna bet your 57 and still a professional waitress
-annies pizza-delivered pizzas to crackheads. mangled them driving like a lunatic. gave away free slices to my boyfriend.my friends got high in the back. i stole skittles from the machine daily. quit without any notice...to move to utah. 
-albertsons-cart girl, bagged rich peoples organic crap, wore my ZERO hoodie until asked to turn it inside out (went home one lunch break and never returned)
-waikiki beach tanning salon-worked with pretty blondes and got  a bitchin tan. gave two weeks and moved back to idaho
-dillards-jrs department!! can you say back to school shopping hell?-decided i wanted to go back to school...quit 
-wingers-waitreced.ate tons of asphalt pie. worked my ass off for crap pay. gave a proud two weeks and moved to utah...again
-bath and body works-holiday help!! worked christmas eve for peanuts.wore warm vanilla sugar (bought my boyfriend all the guy stuff) quit after the holiday ended
-pac sun-wore like "awesome trucker hats" decided to go to vegas for the 4th of july (told them someone in my family had cancer) -never went back
mimis cafe-seating hostess (who wasted time in the bathroom) went home from cali to visit and never came back...oopsie
-harbor house cafe-breakfast shift on the shore. went in at the wrong time=fired cried in venace beach all day that day, decided id sell my art work and be homeless.
-gnc-sales....worked three days. my rag head boss watched me like a hawk.he  thought mormons all had long beards?? i felt depressed. never went back
-rigeos italian restaurant - waitrece, the cooks said the eff word at me for writing my slips wrong. got demoted to hostess. climbed out the bathroom window one snowy night.
-common cents- (midnight shif at a gas station in idaho by a trailer park!!!!!! yes!
seriously, people shot up in the bathroom during the wee night hours. i ate hot dogs and mopped the floor. we sold porn. never even cracked open a page. tempting but no. on the fourth week i was bawling before i had to go...called in. never went back. good memories tho :)-most depressing winter of my life!
-the inn at temple square-had my first run in with utah mormons....seriously do you have a soul? rode the train to work in my little apron. called one of the idiot mormons a son of a bitch. got yelled at by the curly headed managers chrissy and lizzy!! quit. rode the train home and cried a little bit
-applebees- got called a fuc*in cracker by a mean little mexican girl on my first day. stole the shirt and never went back (ghetto applebees) probably could have sued for racism....
-chillis- i knew this job was wrong the day that all my "new employee" paperwork flew out of my hands and into the wind. i was chasing after it with tears running down my cheeks. called, told them i was'nt coming back. good move emily :)
-Marriott-front desk. took calls. checked in rich vacationers, then ended up being the driver...and sometimes making beds. delt with bitchy moms in town and their spoiled tots for ice skating competitions...boring! wound up pregnant...and got my hardest job ever....
arden betty and co-sassy three year old. much imagination. potty training, fishie crackers and walks to the park!-life has never been better!
and now...we own a tanning salon? seriously its all beau because i couldn't run a damn hot dog stand...by myself :)

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

i have a strange addiction
to ugly houses
when i see one thats bad, like really bad i say
"shi* stop the car"
or "gimme my camera"
this one is the saddest of a few i see often in
my lil hood
im just pissed they took down the tomato
plants hanging from the turby thing
(i hear those things dont work ps)
maby its because i grew up in an du-plex with a highway behind it
maby its because im just sick
but i love ugly houses with crap all over the yard
sue me
what do you bet there is some old fish in that cooler?

if i were a decent person i'd go help paint it
but instead im just splashing it all over the internet

Friday, August 13, 2010

eight months
and i look like an egg over-easy in this picture
arden just called me a poopie, its nine thirty nine in the am
and i am in my red robe
(my uniform)
im tempted to go grocery shopping like this
do you think all the crazies at our "weird wal mart"
would even notice the huge pregnant person
in her bathrobe?
doubt it
getting ready is such a hassle anymore...
bring on the mumu!
went to a wedding last night and
took a slice of cake home with me.
i have craved wedding cake
this entire pregnancy
and now its mine all mine
im going to eat it in my tub
and listen to hypnobabies
did i tell you
my very
exciting news??
i broke up with my doctor
and found a midwife.
planning on having a waterbirth
every day i invision myself
giving birth in water
and so far, its looking pretty nice.
four more weeks to go,
but in "emily slow labor"reality i bet ill go
two weeks over
my guess date is the 13th of september
(not gunna happen folks)

ok well thats it...arden is begging to rainbow watercolor my hair like a mermaid, so i need to get off this thing
wish me luck :)

Monday, August 9, 2010

painted her saturday
she took one episode of hello kitty
to make
arden says its her
when shes five years old
she lives on the bathroom wall now
i dont think beau likes it
but shes staying
no matter what
i love her

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

the ax forgets, the tree remembers
i have debated for a long time if i wanted to go into my history and my past experience with "child birth"
i read the above a feew weeks ago, and it made me cry
i am the tree
i was cut open, and no i never forgot
the birth of my daughter was the most traumatizing experience of my life so far
my doctor didnt remember me years later when he removed my iud
he is the ax

its my hope to have a vbac
this birth, the birth of my son, is to be my healing birth
i know there is a better way to give birth, and for me it cant be in a hospital
i used to think hospitals were safe
that they cared
guess what? they dont
they are a business, get em in, get em out
"cut em, they can never sue you for that"
my c-cetion was because of failure to progress
(failure to dialate on their watch)
they wanted me outta there...so they cut me.
they took my baby from me, when she was not ready
i was not ready
call me crazy
maby i am
i wont go back

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

i married beau.
after all the pictures and wedding fluff ended
we sought out on our honeymoon...me and my beau the rose.
packed up my red suitcase (that we shared)
beau has scnce learned never to share a suitcase with me and my amzing ways with uNoRgANazAtIoN
we always go to california because this is where our first love SpArKs flew back in 03
beau got strep, i got a pair of sparkly shoes for a bargin price
we drove his moms vw bug and i took pictures of the desert
our tradition was to get ice cream at every place we stopped
me:rasberry sherbet
we have only missed one year of our little trip and that was the "pregnant with arden /barfy summer"
this year.....
we rode up in a van
with my dear parents and miss baby
she peed on the side of the road every 15 miles, and my mom told us stories of her crazy upbringing
my dad switched hotel rooms four times, because hes a bit of a perfectionist
and we slept in....i rummaged through my clothes each morning and threw pregnant fits before we went out each morning
disney land....
was perfect. arden was a spoiled little turd.
she just had to have the 65.00 bell dress, shoes and wig
(all my parents doing)-thats like groceries for a week m-kay
beau puked in the bushes, my dad pretended to have fun,
and me and my mom were inseparable the entire time. by the time we left i felt like someone had beaten me...i was so tired.

 ten days.ten days that i will always have a memory of. it was the best, and i miss every second of it.