miss baby started ballet this week

             and  it was precious.

countdown
I am due in five days. i can feel a change in him inside me. his movements have grown, and my pressure waves are stronger then ever. my nesting instinct kicked in and im feeling ready. saturday i washed all his clothes and set up his new little basanet. i remember the day i washed all of ardens clothes before she was born..holding up little onzies, smelling them and imagining the little one who would soon fit inside them. beau painted our rocker a pretty toothpaist blue and my friend is sewing a red cushon to match...it will be amazing. i have not set up  a crib yet...because im a big co-sleeper/night nursing kind of mommie. its been an adventure. i have had an amazing pregnancy,and i feel very blessed. i feel good, huge, but good. every night i waddle to the fridge and guzzle milk. for some reason....milk has been so delicious to me during this pregnancy. hopefully baby boy will drink milk after hes done nursing (arden refuses milk...she was too used to my breastmilk) funny thing is that in the wee morning hours i pee a million times, and just this morning i realized i look like E.T. walking to the bathroom breathing loud, wearing beaus underwear (nice hu) i was on the pot laughing at the sad sight of myself :) five am


      Hypnobabies has been my solace all of these months. arden and i take hypnobabies naps each day, and they are amazing. they clear all of my fears of childbirth. i have moments of insanity when i say to myself "no drugs em?....sereously??"and then i listen to my cds...and I REMEMBER WHY I AM DOING THIS. after im done i feel at peace, and i feel reassured that my birth plan is the right one for me. i know it s gunna hurt like hell, but i feel comfort in knowing my baby will have a peacefull spiritual birth.
   I think we know his name....but nothing is for sure. i need to see his little face and hold him in my arms first. then, we will know...sorry i wont say yet!
    Today i feel good. i feel ready. i woke up and took a long bath and did my hypnobabies surrounded in bubbles and a beautifull baby bellie :) arden slept longer today because of the track playing in the bathroom beside her room. i think i might go buy a sling...or look at fabric to make my own. for sure just spend so much time with my little girl before crazy newborn life sets in! she starts ballet tonight, so that will be something fun for to do. beau and i took her to park city last night and bought her more clothes then we ever had. she deserves it. right now, big changes are comming in her little world. she is watching hello kitty in her new zebra jammies, and my heart is a little bit sad..because i know that this is an end of an era in our life. me and my bestfriends used to quote Hope floats and say "beginnings are scary, endings are sad, but its whats in the middle that counts"-today this gives me much comfort.

Mommy  days

my three year old sucked my hair up in the vacum today

pretty much explains the story behind this picture i just finished.

i used watercolors and a little glue to make her

-we were at the car wash...and me in all my nine months pregnant glory is attempting to

clean the cheerio mess car up  (before baby comes)

im hot and sweaty, and arden sucked my hair up with the big power vacum.

it was...pretty "awesome"

the one good thing i will say about the carwash, is that arden and i love it

we listen to clap your hands say yeah

every time,and pretend monsters are getting us.

she really brings out the three year old in me.

ArdEn BeTtY

riding "lu-lee" her bff

in the 50 cent garage sale boots

priceless

done

its how i feel today
beau took this picture...two weeks ago...
notice how hard that t shirt is working? hmmm...pants too. my hair a rat nest from passing out on the sofa. we went for icecream...beau ask me if i was going to change. i reluctantly did.
nothing fits anymore!
even my sandals are tight.
this kid moves and moves....
i waddle and huff around the house. i send beau to the store and he buys weird things (like off brand bananna yogart)-sick
i made blueberry pancakes for sunday dinner last night.
drink a gallon of cranberry juice every day.
i dont think arden gets what is comming in a few weeks.
screaming poping baby bliss...im a little scared :)
i have two due dates one is in two weeks
the other on  the 22nd. holy cow.

quite possibly the most amazing floor i have ever walked on. it lives

 in a small room at my grandmothers house.my parents shared this room when they were young parents with a new baby.my uncle lives in this room still. he never moved out. he read, and smoked, and wrote. thats all. can you imaging this floor when this house was new? beautiful. 

jobs
im interviewing a girl today...for a job at our salon
she is young. nice. probably irresponsible....hopefully not as bad as i was at her age.
i have had 21 jobs from 17-23 (4 year arden break) i am now 26 going on 27 and all i can think of is WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?
heres a funny breakdown of the irresponsibility that is eMiLy
 -kfc-  sexually harrased by a line cook every day. got locked in the walk in freezer.called the 80s looking 30 year old braces wearing white trash lady... a bitch when she yelled at me (17 years old) =fired
-The big dipper-ice cream fights  made out with my boyfriend (place went out of business) wonder why?
-jbs-refused to spit out my gum. worked thanksgiving and other holidays went home with 12 dollars in tips, stuff like that. =fired because i would'nt "shut the f up and sit down"- thanks donna bet your 57 and still a professional waitress
-annies pizza-delivered pizzas to crackheads. mangled them driving like a lunatic. gave away free slices to my boyfriend.my friends got high in the back. i stole skittles from the machine daily. quit without any notice...to move to utah. 
-albertsons-cart girl, bagged rich peoples organic crap, wore my ZERO hoodie until asked to turn it inside out (went home one lunch break and never returned)
-waikiki beach tanning salon-worked with pretty blondes and got  a bitchin tan. gave two weeks and moved back to idaho
-dillards-jrs department!! can you say back to school shopping hell?-decided i wanted to go back to school...quit 
-wingers-waitreced.ate tons of asphalt pie. worked my ass off for crap pay. gave a proud two weeks and moved to utah...again
-bath and body works-holiday help!! worked christmas eve for peanuts.wore warm vanilla sugar (bought my boyfriend all the guy stuff) quit after the holiday ended
-pac sun-wore like "awesome trucker hats" decided to go to vegas for the 4th of july (told them someone in my family had cancer) -never went back
mimis cafe-seating hostess (who wasted time in the bathroom) went home from cali to visit and never came back...oopsie
-harbor house cafe-breakfast shift on the shore. went in at the wrong time=fired cried in venace beach all day that day, decided id sell my art work and be homeless.
-gnc-sales....worked three days. my rag head boss watched me like a hawk.he  thought mormons all had long beards?? i felt depressed. never went back
-rigeos italian restaurant - waitrece, the cooks said the eff word at me for writing my slips wrong. got demoted to hostess. climbed out the bathroom window one snowy night.
-common cents- (midnight shif at a gas station in idaho by a trailer park!!!!!! yes!
seriously, people shot up in the bathroom during the wee night hours. i ate hot dogs and mopped the floor. we sold porn. never even cracked open a page. tempting but no. on the fourth week i was bawling before i had to go...called in. never went back. good memories tho :)-most depressing winter of my life!
-the inn at temple square-had my first run in with utah mormons....seriously do you have a soul? rode the train to work in my little apron. called one of the idiot mormons a son of a bitch. got yelled at by the curly headed managers chrissy and lizzy!! quit. rode the train home and cried a little bit
-applebees- got called a fuc*in cracker by a mean little mexican girl on my first day. stole the shirt and never went back (ghetto applebees) probably could have sued for racism....
-chillis- i knew this job was wrong the day that all my "new employee" paperwork flew out of my hands and into the wind. i was chasing after it with tears running down my cheeks. called, told them i was'nt coming back. good move emily :)
-Marriott-front desk. took calls. checked in rich vacationers, then ended up being the driver...and sometimes making beds. delt with bitchy moms in town and their spoiled tots for ice skating competitions...boring! wound up pregnant...and got my hardest job ever....
arden betty and co-sassy three year old. much imagination. potty training, fishie crackers and walks to the park!-life has never been better!
and now...we own a tanning salon? seriously its all beau because i couldn't run a damn hot dog stand...by myself :)

i have a strange addiction

to ugly houses

when i see one thats bad, like really bad i say

"shi* stop the car"

or "gimme my camera"

this one is the saddest of a few i see often in

my lil hood

im just pissed they took down the tomato

plants hanging from the turby thing

(i hear those things dont work ps)

maby its because i grew up in an du-plex with a highway behind it

maby its because im just sick

but i love ugly houses with crap all over the yard

sue me

what do you bet there is some old fish in that cooler?

if i were a decent person i'd go help paint it

but instead im just splashing it all over the internet

eight months

and i look like an egg over-easy in this picture

arden just called me a poopie, its nine thirty nine in the am

and i am in my red robe

(my uniform)

im tempted to go grocery shopping like this

do you think all the crazies at our "weird wal mart"
would even notice the huge pregnant person

in her bathrobe?

doubt it

getting ready is such a hassle anymore...

bring on the mumu!

went to a wedding last night and

took a slice of cake home with me.

i have craved wedding cake

this entire pregnancy

and now its mine all mine

im going to eat it in my tub

and listen to hypnobabies

did i tell you

my very

exciting news??

i broke up with my doctor

and found a midwife.

planning on having a waterbirth

every day i invision myself

giving birth in water

and so far, its looking pretty nice.

four more weeks to go,

but in "emily slow labor"reality i bet ill go

two weeks over

my guess date is the 13th of september

(not gunna happen folks)

ok well thats it...arden is begging to rainbow watercolor my hair like a mermaid, so i need to get off this thing

wish me luck :)

painted her saturday

she took one episode of hello kitty

to make

arden says its her

when shes five years old

she lives on the bathroom wall now

i dont think beau likes it

but shes staying

no matter what

i love her

the ax forgets, the tree remembers
i have debated for a long time if i wanted to go into my history and my past experience with "child birth"
i read the above a feew weeks ago, and it made me cry
i am the tree
i was cut open, and no i never forgot
the birth of my daughter was the most traumatizing experience of my life so far
my doctor didnt remember me years later when he removed my iud
he is the ax



its my hope to have a vbac
this birth, the birth of my son, is to be my healing birth
i know there is a better way to give birth, and for me it cant be in a hospital
i used to think hospitals were safe
that they cared
guess what? they dont
they are a business, get em in, get em out
"cut em, they can never sue you for that"
my c-cetion was because of failure to progress
(failure to dialate on their watch)
they wanted me outta there...so they cut me.
they took my baby from me, when she was not ready
i was not ready
call me crazy
maby i am
i wont go back

SIX YEARS AGO
i married beau.
after all the pictures and wedding fluff ended
we sought out on our honeymoon...me and my beau the rose.
packed up my red suitcase (that we shared)
beau has scnce learned never to share a suitcase with me and my amzing ways with uNoRgANazAtIoN
-IM GOOD AT THAT
we always go to california because this is where our first love SpArKs flew back in 03
beau got strep, i got a pair of sparkly shoes for a bargin price
we drove his moms vw bug and i took pictures of the desert
our tradition was to get ice cream at every place we stopped
him:mocha
me:rasberry sherbet
we have only missed one year of our little trip and that was the "pregnant with arden /barfy summer"
this year.....
we rode up in a van
with my dear parents and miss baby
she peed on the side of the road every 15 miles, and my mom told us stories of her crazy upbringing
my dad switched hotel rooms four times, because hes a bit of a perfectionist
and we slept in....i rummaged through my clothes each morning and threw pregnant fits before we went out each morning
disney land....
was perfect. arden was a spoiled little turd.
she just had to have the 65.00 bell dress, shoes and wig
(all my parents doing)-thats like groceries for a week m-kay
beau puked in the bushes, my dad pretended to have fun,
and me and my mom were inseparable the entire time. by the time we left i felt like someone had beaten me...i was so tired.

 ten days.ten days that i will always have a memory of. it was the best, and i miss every second of it.

forever-21 has maternity now...

what else can i say?

i spent $ 50.00

on motherhood maternity jeans

and then found these babies (see picture above) for

a woppin $13.80

holy crap!

this is enough to make me have

ten babies

did i tell you i made the skanky girls working

take this pair off a maniquin...

(yeah i do that sometimes)

pissed her off,

she had to stop blowing bubbles and talking

to the gay guy

and help the pregnant boring person :)

im excited to be not pregnant

and a little sad

because truthfully this may be my last go

i will now tell you a few things i will miss about

being a beast

1. cleaning cds with my bellie

2.setting a cerial bowl on my bellie and eating like a wild animal on the coutch

(making weird breathing noises)

3.my weird bellie-button

4. beau rubbing my bellie, arden kisses

5.eating what i crave, getting my food way always

i will not miss....

1.feeling like a lame knocked up utard

2.looking like a fat a

3.yelling at people at the maternity stores

4. sleeping all crazy at night, because i think

im smashing his head all the time

5.grunting

6.my thys...

i would write more...

but

ardens eating popcorn with katchup and i need to get in on this before its all gone

word to yo mutha

spent aweek

at the beach

pix comming soon....

no jelly beans for emily

went into the ob office to

take my glucose tolerance test

(the test for gestational diabetes)

zzzzzzzzzzz......i know....

 my dr. said i could eat a snicker bar

(instead of the disgusting orange sugar crap) when i told her i didnt want the test

so i arrive at the lab, candy in hand....and the lab teck

says "no way lady"

and something to the tune of "WE DONT DO THAT"

so he tells me i can do special jelly beans instead

and im thinking...ok ok a handfull of lime jelly beans...

i can handle that, my baby can handle that.

boy was i freakin wrong

the nurse...lets call her big wilma, she takes me

into the hallway like a naughty school child

and informs me that i have to

eat an entire bag of jellybeans

and she has to watch me eat them

bullshit.

i gave big wilma a piece of my mind

after that i went and bought a stretchy skirt and called

my mother

and she informed me that she nor any woman in my family has had this

thankyouverryeffinmuch.

when i go to the hospital

im like jessy james

im billythefreekin kid

im the antichrist

because

i question everything

its my body

its my baby

your not getting me the second time around

this time im in control

this picture remindes me of someone i know....
someone little and cute and crazy on a tricycle
not saying any names or anything....it just does.....

popcicle june

its been a pretty fab summer
i LIVE in my swiming suit
arden too
just downed four popcicles
ardens on her third...no idea whats for dinner...
we walk around the lil sugarhood in the mornings
and eat weird things for lunch
like....hotdogs on kabob stix
and smoothies with broccoli hidden in them
arden is the brownest i have ever seen her
we are at her kiddy pool daily
or hittin up the publikkkk
pool where i show off my bikini bellie
all the utard moms stare :)

i have good shock value
im due in ten pretty weeks...or shall i say he is due
still crappin my pants that im getting another
for today ThIS SeCoNd
....give me popcicles.

i grew up watching this

because of my 80's sisters

and i love it

this week

i have been waddling

and having

too many

braxton hicks

made beau buy me

hostess cupcakes last night

ate them bouncing on a birthing ball

making loud breathing noises

i was up all night dreaming of

childbirth

what am i gunna wear?

think i might go "native"

and just wear my birthday suit

just because...why not?

hmmmmm....

we'll see

it would be a lie if i told you how far i am into being preg-a-nent

im not 100% sure....i quit counting...

as far as i know, i have 12 weeks left maby??

i feel like a beast :)

thats the only way i can put it!

so far tho,

zero strechmarks

no more throwin up

and yes i still do cartwheels

i dont know if ive said...but

we are having a lil boy...

and i look forward to  delivery day

my plan is to go natural meaning NO DRUGS, NO IV'S NO FETAL MONITORING....NOTHING

and for me that is the best way

My hypnobabies has me prepared as much as i can be

for now today..

i love food

i love feeling him move

i love arden waking up and kissing my bellie

each morning

and, i need water every second

or...hot cheetoes (these rock my world)

i know when its all over

 i will miss this pregnant thing