Sunday, October 19, 2008

BIG NURSER

wow. im gunna do this. lets talk about nurney shall we!! ellies gunna love this. for those of you readers who are saying "what the eff" ill let you in on my little secret. nurney as we call it is nurse mixed with nap. THERE I SAID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! I FEEL SO FREE! and yet so chained to a wall. my Arden betty is addicted to breast feeding. its all she knows man. the second i held her i said to my doc "let me nurse her" and we did and we did it perfectly. when i was pregnant i hoped for two things 1. to have natural childbirth and 2. to breastfeed and do it well. well scnce doc barton was hell bent on being home for dinner by six i got a good ole c section...barf but i got my other wish. boy did i. if my mother in law knew about nurney shed disown me. please dont tell!!! the lady almost died and made fun of me for nursing her at ten months!! i can just hear her now "does she bite you" nurneys been good. my child is healthy and my child and i have an insane bond because of this. im her number one and i love it. lucky for me i got la leache league in my corner. oh and lets not forget the african american women in zambobway with one tiddy hangin out of her rag dress and a six year old lached on. you go girl. the sad thing is that breast milk is the only food her child has. my child would take breast milk over apple juice in a heart beat. shes NEVER tried real milk. but sereously who wants to drink from a shitty cow tit its like poop and horemones. nurney is like nothing i can ever explain and i dont expect you to understand, because you have to experience it to know. ive heard it dubbed "knock out juice" because it relaxes the child and puts them to sleep. its like medicine too. arden will fall and run to me going "nurney" and she feels better. so yeah, im on a nurney leash. somedays i want to pull my hair out. somedays i love it. last summer i went through hell to wean her. it didnt work. not for a second. you think taking a bottle away is hard??? try a boob. so i refused her and she was banging her head on the wall and screaming bloddy murder. so i try "they are broken" and two bandaids and shes like tearing them off to get to her delicious feast. tried viniger and that didnt work. so ladies i gave up. i was distressing my child emotionally. so im praying she will grow out of it. nurneys the name. i will feed nations during the second coming. good stuff. i think if arden had hair it would make it weird for me....but my little bald one is like my new born baby. people ask me when im gunna have another and im like are you sereous??? breastfeed and preggers. whats next gain 500 pounds and start watching maury with a bag of doritos??? no thanks. im not getting another "parasite" (as my amazing father dubed it) sucking on my boob. I can just see me toppin arden off before school and then puttin little beau jr on as i wish her good luck on the first day. good hell. a few people know about a little girl called arden who has nurney....now an entire handfull do. so call me crazy and if you dont like it you can eat a turd. AND GOD SAID LET THEM HAVE NURNEY. AND THEY HAD NURNEY.

9 comments:

Rosa said...

Hi -- I don't know if you remember me (I am Rosa~Adrienne's sister in law). Anyhow I love your little blog on Nurney.I love nursing my little boy and I am dreading the day we have to stop!! SO KUDO's to NURNEY!

Sarah said...

ha! em i love your blog and i love you! props to you for nursing.

Jessica Potter said...

I am DYING! DYING of laughter over here. I love it. SO hilarous! Arden likes dem titties! HAHA

Rosa said...

I was terrified of two and actually I still am!! It is a day to day experience that I wouldn't trade for anything.

Anna said...

bahahahaha
Drink up Miss Arden!! Drink up that Nurney!
:) This post almost made me pee my pants.
love you!

Clint and Elle Stallings said...

That was hilarious! I laughed out loud. Your awesome. Horay for the nurney!!! Just keeping going Arden.. best milk bar around is on your mamma's chest

Kristin said...

I love it! I had to wait like ten minutes to respond to this post, because I could not stop the giggles. I love you. You are the most entertaining little writer. Dude, who the heck cares. I am jealous that you can nurse this long!! I will give you some good advice (clear throat) "Don't worry about what won't matter when she is 20." Unless ofcourse she still has nurney, then my friend you have some problems.
I cannot wait to see you!!!!

Sarah said...

hey em. in answer to the question you left on my blog, i do yoga at a yoga studio in the riverwoods down here in p-town. it can be a bit complicated but it is the most amazing thing ever!!! i love it. if you need a yoga buddy for your first time i will totally come with you. we need to get together anyway. :D

Elle and Jared said...

I am so glad that you wrote about loving to nurse because I feel like I have heard so many nursing nightmares lately that have freaked me out. You are so happy about being a mom and you have so much fun - it makes me soo excited about it. No more prozac moms!! :)